My Man! : The Tale of A Rat

“I smell a rat..”
“In the Year of the Rat a lot of Boys will Disappear..”

Regrettably enough, this conversation does not really take place in a sewer, although I would be curious enough to know what kind of conversations do really take place down there other than the choice of toppings Michelangelo ( the Ninja Turtle) would prefer on his Pizza.

It takes place in a Graveyard..

And no, the backdrop isn’t under the moonlight for added suspense, it is actually midday, and someone, amidst all his family, friends and business associates, is being buried..

There truly isn’t anything more eventful than the funeral of a head of a family, who refused to name an heir.
Reasons withheld, one can assume not naming a successor maybe due to an inherent fear of being responsible for such an heir after his own passing, others can say mistrust, or merely downright incompetence of those who walked in the old man’s shadows.
My humble opinion is merely:

Mischief

Seriously, what a better way to eternalize your deeds than to create a vacuum that will lead to a struggle for power, with blood, tears, drama and money as fodder for many years to come? Eventually order will replace chaos. It’s a constant, it always has been, and a lot of blood every now and then is always healthy. That’s probably what he was thinking before he croaked.

The Departed is Paternally succeeded by two sons, Big Al “Doughboy” Bonspiero, and

Little Jimmy “Two shoes” Bonspiero.
His Consigliere was Sal “Shush” Spatafore, a very loyal advisor, always in the shadows and meant business.

If succession stayed in the family, it wouldn’t leave either of the three, but the pie is too big to stay in the family. There was the Gaddi crew, headed by Alfie Mancuso and Michael Zitti. Your local selection of business men that although aren’t really organized had enough with being muscled to do business, your small time dope dealers and street corner pimps who although ambitious are stupid enough to think they can fill big shoes like that, and believe it or not, you should be bothered by smalltime, cause smalltime not only has nothing to lose, they don’t know the rules, so they might end up doing something stupid. Of course 90% of the time anyone who does something stupid ends up getting clipped, or even worse.. but it’s the 10% that should bother any wise guy with eyes on the future.

Then, you had the Campus Street boys, four stupid kids that met up daily at Mama Afi’s house , she used to bake brownies for all the kids in the niehgbourhood and tell em stories of the good old days, and feeding their head with garbage about how they can change the world. Mama Afi had two favorites, Alfie “the Nigger” Leotardo and Sammy “Quasi” George.

“Quasi”, pronounced “Kwazeeh” is a real stand up kid, but his only problem is he doesn’t look the part, he practically has no neck, and is a developing an immature hunch on his back, just like Quasimodo, his other problem is he loves attention, he’ll practically offer you his wife in bed if you take em out to the bars and give em a good time. He’s only married to her cause mama said so. Quasi’s dad is into business, he’s actually one of the locals who wants to see this all go away, imagine how he felt when he found out his kid is into this thing of ours.

Leotardo wasn’t a nigger. His complexion was very dark they used to joke that his mother used to fool around in Harlem, his dad got so worried he actually DNA tested poor little Alfie, but turns out he’s his.

Alfie had a cousin , Calvin “See See” Corrado, they called him See See cause he used to be a peeping tom, and it’s a play on his initials which were C.C.
See See was one naughty mamas boy, I mean he was a good lookin fella, and was all about the ladies. although younger than the Nigger, the Nigger used to look up to him bigtime, he had the Nigger wrapped around his finger.

The Fourth of the bunch was “Little” Willy Gaultieri…you can tell why they call him little Willy, ill give u a hint, the name was coined up in the locker room after gym class.
He’s probably the smartest in all of them, but could use a little guts, I mean the fella is a Gaultieri for God’s sakes, what the hell is he afraid of. Gaultieri and See See actually started off having beef, Gaultieri was dating some woman See See was banging, See See couldn’t hear of it, but now although they mended and got rid of the bad blood, See See still scares the shit outta Little Willy.

And if all these Wiseguys weren’t enough for you, you had the Feds watching down on all of this, wanting to get rid of it all.

A smart question to ask is, where do I stand in all of this, well initially I’m supposed to be working with Big Al Bonspiero, am I loyal to him? Yes but he’s actually taken me on loan from Spatafore’s crew, still in the same family but they are of different strokes.

Big Al was always the old man’s favorite, he was smart, silent about it and he believed that everyone should earn as long as the powers that be get to wet their beak, if Al takes over its going to be good for everyone, as long as Al gets a cut, very small but still a cut.

Sal the “Shush” does things a little differently, he’s old fashioned, not only that, but he’s a Calabrese (Calabrian)…those guys have hot blood and are downright vicious. Sal would have a tighter hold on everything, and keep it more incognito, if anyone is loud about it, well..hard luck for them, he don’t appreciate noise very much.

Then…you have Two Shoes Bonspiero… this kid went to private school, Ivy league education, the works hes the golden child, the old man’s favorite, and a few years before the old man went away, was being groomed. Now I wouldn’t want to diss the Don on this, but this guy is gonna bring it all down to the ground and turn our thing legit. I mean hes not even made and already rumored to be talking with the Feds. He’s also tapped the Campus Street Boys, who really think hes hot stuff, well apart from Quasi, who thinks he’s not cut out for our thing.

You wanna anticipate this power struggle right , you gotta put the Gaddi crew into the equation. They got ties to the church, and have become really popular nowadays, they get money from the church and skimming off the Sunday donations, they actually sue people that owe them money, that’s their method of enforcement. They claim that violence is below them, hey nobody loves beating a fellow Pisan’s teeth in, but a mans gotta make a livin don’t he?

Everyone was there at the funeral, all dressed in their suits, some hid behind sunglasses, while others did under hats. What people don’t get, you only get to wear a hat if you are made, made as in you are directly taxed by the Big Boys back home. And there was See See in a black Cuban and a smirk looking all dolled up like a fuckin lady.
Spatafore gave him shit for it:

“he headed to a costume party afterwards?... Lemme guess ees going as a fuckin fairy aint he?”
His Goombas provided chuckles of laughter for a finale. I was glad that others shared my exact sentiment. Then one of them utters..
“Can you imagine the fucking balls on that kid, boss? I mean eee goes over to the North side, earning on them wall street types charging them bucketloads of vig…the greedy motherfucker, I mean im calling my stockbroker, and after he advises me on some short selling stunt , he asks me do I know fuckin See See Corrado,….Know em? I used to date his fuckin mudda back in high school…hehehehe”
Spatafore answers back with his few words:
“let the little kid earn..with time, he’ll learn”
“yeah but he should respect his elders, and learn without having to spend a stint in college” interrupted Big Al.

“ The Beauty of the Pecking Order Al, is that it’s a system, the kid is bothering us, hes causing too much trouble, should we act? If hes that loud he’ll probably step on someones toes powerful enough to do something about it, so why get our hands dirty when someone else can do the job for us? Or he could just get pinched, picked up by the Feds, or even offed by one of his bitter Goomahs.. as long as it aint our toes he aint stepping on, he can go Fatillia Cosi!”

“well it depends on what exactly do you call stepping Sal, remember King?”
“fuckin aaay…”
“yeah the one who helped us out with the Maltese..”
“what about em…?”

“Turns out the little Gaultieri kid, the one who shits his pants whenever u mention his fuckin goomah..sent King a little message, nothing fancy…but still a message, Fuckin K is in the middle of his honeymoon and a couple of little Willy’s boys shake em down cause hes on their turf…King tells em hes a friend of yours Willy’s boys tell em we heard no nothing bout a friend of Doughboy’s coming down here…King just gave dem what he had…”
“What did they take”
“Kings Gold Watch…and keys to a brand new SUV..not only that, but King told me somethin about little Willy too…little Willy is been crying to a fuckin psychiatrist about takin too much pressure wid business, King used to bang the psychiatrist Willy is seein..she wanted to show off to King tellin em shes analyzing a fuckin Don so he fuckin put two and two together…
“King could just be beefin up against the little guy..”
“ It gets worse…the Psychiatrist, you know who she banging now? A fuckin Fed… now I didn’t leave it at that, I mean King is a friend of ours he’s not only a friend of yours.. so I followed the fuck around for Kings sake, turns out the Fed..he’s the same fuck that busted Johnny Sacks from Jersey”

I couldn’t contain myself and crossed the yard to where the Campus Street Boys were paying their respects to Jimmy Two Shoes, they were literally glued to the guy better than his own shadow. They were bragging as to how cool it was to be extorting the stockbrokers, giving the money to Jimmy who then invests it with the Stockbrokers themselves.

See See: you know Jimmy, this last week, little Willy got you a hell of a cool present..
Two Shoes: really?
Little Willy: yeah a Lincoln Navigator..
Two Shoes: is it Hot?
Little Willy: Nah, belonged to some guy who claims to know your brother.. some hotshot called King..
Two Shoes: Damien King?....aww you assholes, what you think you are doing? Do you have any fucking idea who’s car you just stole?
Little Willy: who, he didn’t put that much of a fight
Two Shoes : yes, cause he’ll get it the fuck back , with your heads as hood ornaments on it too!, what the fuck were you guys doing in history class…you never heard of Damien King?...
See See: yeah I heard of him, actually messed with him once, he didn’t do nothing, he was trying to fuck this bitch from Iran I was doing…I told em to go fuck himself…he’s a fucking pussy

Jimmy Slaps See See on the head in the middle of his Father’s funeral..it was a scene.. See See’s hat fell to the ground, he picked it up, swallowed the lump in his throat, and sat under a tree.. turns out that bitch from Iran was doing both See See and the Nigger in the same time. She duped them both outta some quick cash and went onto work some bigger fish..What See See , The Nigger nor King himself didn’t know was that she Worked Jimmy too…

King took care of the problem, King did like he was told…Jimmy called him, asked him to take care of it, and King did it, no questions asked.. that’s why everyone like Sal, Al, the Gaddis , they all love King…even the Feds don’t ask questions when King is involved.. he’s helped them with some stuff too..

I wanted to make sure See See and little Willy get the big picture..

“Boys, you messed up big time…gimme a call if u need help and lemme see what I can do…”


A few days later, I pick up my phone..its Willy..he wants to talk…
I meet him at their spot..its an old café right in front of campus..he tells me how Sal had a talk with them in the presence of Jimmy…they will have to give restitution to King for the Car, and submit to his mercy..Sal has orders from back home to get rid of both See See and little Willy, See See is refusing the solution and throwing it all on Willy..

“ I’m thinking of blaming it all on Jimmy..since he’s got our backs..he’s too big to take a fall”
“That is not a very wise thing to do..theyre all fixing you to fall..even See See..”
“why?”

I gave him the shock of his life…

“Your Goomah and See See still meet up…she has a soft spot for him”
“See See is fixing me to take the fall?”
“look Jimmy is all too big…you think hes going to give a rats ass about how much you guys make him with that stockbroker scam?..hes not gonna fall for a couple of Assholes like you..they’re already painting you as the rat Willy..”

“What the fuck are you talking about…”
“They know about the Shrink…and Johnny Sacks”

Willy if I were you..its a good year for you and the rest of the Boys…to run..
Get lost..be the Lost Boys...Run ,Willy run!..it’s the Year of the Rat Willy.. and in the Year of the Rat…a lot of Boys will Disappear..


The events that unraveled the next few days indicated a lot…the drums of war can be heard..
- Damien King said he wont take restitution, as for the Lost Boys..they can take whatever they made off King and shove it up their asses..at least they die loaded…
- Willy stood his ground, didn’t run..
- The Nigger hid at his in-laws house,
- See See went to the mattresses, said he aint going down without a fight,
- Sal is blaming the whole mess on Jimmy for making the little boys play in the wrong league,
Jimmy is disavowing any ties to the little boys, however is provoked by Sal
- Big Al…is sitting there, waiting for the winning side to join…

As for me, well I went back to the office, with a cup of coffee in my hand, to the same monotonous ringtone on the office phone, and the same secretary I have had in ages uttering the same scentence every time she picks up…

“FBI RICO Task Force, Good Afternoon how may I help you”

Reflections from the Pacific Rim

Day One , 19:45 - Changi Airport - Singapore

its already dark, i hate arriving to a place i've never been to before when its dark. Well actually it isn't that bad, it just makes me anticipate what it looks like in the morning more. You can tell i really am not in a mood to tolerate anticipation. Why? well, for starters im a stranger in a strange land, first destination in four destinations, supposed to be taking care of someone who needs alot of care that deep down inside of me i feel inadequate to provide. Yet everyone else thinks otherwise. I'm not freaking out, seriously i barely know the language actually i don't know a word of it, nor the culture and for Gods sakes I've never been here before, he has...but not me talk about pressure. Anyways, hes supposed to be checking in on his babies ( Investments but he just treats them like babies) and wants "someone" to spot the saboteurs who might get ideas, so for the duration of this trip i am supposed to be Mr. Saboteur Spotter, lol if he only knew.
If he only knew how i feel right now,

So we are in a Taxi headed to the hotel in Downtown Core and he is calling his wife and asking about the kids making sure his 10 year old did well in his Karate tournament (you have to give the guy credit for trying)

"Oh really?....Whats his name?"
He snaps his fingers at me, gesturing to write down what he is about to say...
" Michael Davids.....okay how old is he? 24.....where does he work? Michael what Davids?........any relation to Andrew Davids ? ...So that's all you have,........... Honey i barely have the time to sit down and talk...so just tell me here and now......[ long pause accompanied with steady nodding and "ah hahs"] Okay ill run this through...find out more, She just doesn't see him till we find out who he is and where is he from, okay? talk to you later honey, bye...."

He hangs up and looks to me, telling me how family is the most important investment you have to watch and do all you can to make it perfect.

"It's what really counts in the end Kane, better achievement than any other Investment,"
"Do they know?"
"Of course not, they wouldn't want to know... so i keep it that way.......i know that might sound irregular...but shop stays in shop...no matter how acceptable or unacceptable shop happens to be...so did you take down the info i gave you? give it to that really good guy you have at your firm...what was his name again?"
"Sam"

"yes Sam...but nothing fancy...this guy might be proposing to my daughter...im trying to get a heads up on him...they've been seeing each other for a while now...Gosh she's really grown"

Day One , 23:18 - 7th floor Room 0715 - Fullerton Hotel - Singapore

With a nice harbor view from my room overlooking the Marina Bay...i sit on my laptop to check my emails. Paranoid Investor man called it an early night, normally that would be the opportunity to check out the local nightlife, but I'm glad i didn't. I checked my Business email and got a daily report from Charlene, my Secretary back in Cairo...turns out the case i handled for Mr. Streak ( check out Welcome to The Woods Where the things have no Name for further info about Mr. Streak) had a verdict issued, in favor of his two young kids...so yes we lost...another one lost in the never ending battle between the old guard and the new republic...we are in the age where the young vanquish the old, regardless of how much wisdom or virtue the elderly may posses, they just had their times and should make room for the youngsters. Why should I be complaining I'm a youngster, I'm on the winning team? anyways that's not the point. I check my hotmail account to find a truly unexpected email from someone that hurt me not so long ago. I thought i was the only one still drowning in the sadness. She is too strong and vicious to still be thinking about me and what happened, She probably must have wrote it while Drunk....

"Dear Kane, i know we havent been talking, and last time we did wasnt all that...but you have to know that it is you who made this fail not me, i tolerated your lying and cheating and just acted as if i didnt know...you have to feel guilty for ruining the best thing that has happened to me
You Suck
Susie "

All i can think of while reading this is how much booze did she need in her system to conjure up emailing me... and i just love the logic and how the facts all go blurring to everyone's liking when consuming copious amounts of alcohol. Well come on, lets be frank i should have saw it coming, instead i preferred to sucker myself into believing all the nice stuff she said and did were truly genuine and free from any hidden agendas. I wouldn't doubt if all her other conquests received a similar email with similar tones. Well give her the credit that it wasn't a forward to all of us...

Day Three , 00:37 M Bar- Mandarin Oriental Hotel - Central - Hong Kong - PRC

In the midst of the medium level house/lounge music that makes you wanna shake your not so perfectly formed booty hidden under a pair of tailored pinstriped pants courtesy of George Singer ( yeah i dig local tailors) between in-house prostitutes and business executives and Rogue PRC Generals, Paranoid Investor tells me how we will prolong our stay and head off to Macau, since he is being sweet talked by a Vegas Casino to join them in a venture there. He is just worried that Macau is known as the easiest place for Whales to flush Casinos out...that's why most Casinos there focus on anything but "Gambling" . they go all out on Escort Services, Clubs, Golf Courses...they're trying to wheel in the small fish rather than the Whales and High Rollers.

"But doesn't the house always win?" i ask sheepishly
"Not if you are Yip Honn"
" Yipp Honn The Whale?"
"Not only is he a Whale...all the Casinos consult him and he trains the pit bosses on how Whales work the Casino...he even partnered up in a Casino in Macau...ever heard of the Lisboa? the Biggest Casino in Macau?...he partnered in it, i mean imagine..1970 a Casino only 60km away from Hong Kong..you can take a ferry over, and sleep over i mean the hotel had 1,000 rooms damnit. too bad the guy's dead now....anyways..Stanley Ho is going to open up the Grand Lisboa, a beefed up version of their old venture...him and Honn, he's looking for an investor, someone to come up with foreign money so that they get the foreign investor treatment. he even has Henry Fok pulling all the strings for them back on the mainland..hes slowing the Sands down, and Trump is too focused on real estate in the middle east now to be closing in on Macau... so where meeting Ho tomorrow...actually today, we already are tomorrow..i'm drunk arent i?"

"that would be putting it lightly"
"DAMN i love you Kane...always the right man for the job,.... so did Sam call back on that guy who wants to fuck my daughter?"
"are you sure he hasnt already done that?"
"good point, tell Sam he's getting double, i want a head start over Daughter Fucker...

Am i really the right man for the job? i rest my case....

I call it an early night to do some research on all the Ho's Yips and Foks we're supposed to meet in Macau, what kind of research can you do at 1am in Hong Kong? well there's the internet, and hey its still the acceptable evening in Europe and Back home. I call Sam up and tell him to call all cars on "Daughter Fucker" . Afterwards I call Rankin Fitch who i was introduced to by Mr.Adham ( See Amnesia )

"Kane Boy, whereabouts in the world are you?"
"Hong Kong Mr.Fitch...its made for a man like you"
"Don't really think so...theyre all short with slanted eyes...it scares me, ill stick to the Caucasian variety what do you want I'm in the middle of a fitting for a Tux"
"Information...."
"About?"
"Stanley Ho, Henry Fok and Sociedade de Turismo e Diversoes de Macau held by The Shun Tak Group"
"call my office, ask for Janovich, ill let him know you will be calling"


I then reflect on what Paranoid Investor said about me being the right man for the Job, practically what this means is he needs me, his well being cannot go about without my contribution regardless how little that contribution might be. My thoughts are interrupted by my hotel room phone ringing, its the concierge...Paranoid Investor seems to have had a run in with the law, a serious one, should've expected it...he was too shit-faced to stay outta trouble.

Despite my limited knowledge of Hong Kong Law, crimes seem to be universal, and hence universal also is the way states deal with them. Paranoid Investor finally slept in his hotel bed rather than on the floor of a prison cell, thanks to my efforts, a lot of luck and a little money.

Day Three, 14:02 Clipper Lounge - Mandarin Oriental Hotel - Central - Hong Kong - PRC

While reviewing the fax sent by Janovich ( Fitch's hatchet man) over afternoon tea, Paranoid investor walks in ...and sits down, he looks hungover like hell, and although grateful for my endeavor of last night was overtly ashamed. He's wondering whether or not im going to judge him for it. "come on, at least now you can say you know what it feels like to wear a Chinese prostitute's bra.." he laughs about it...temporarily reassured but then you can tell he isn't..
"none of this to my wife...you hear?...not my wife , not anyone in your firm...nothing..."
"i think you mean nobody..."

what he and a lot of other people don't get is that...we [ professional lawyers] don't judge..we don't even create opinions on you...we just observe, and react...our agenda being, securing your interests...cause if we really acted based on what we really think of you then we'd suck at doing what we do...or we would be horrible people, and honestly...we aren't paid to think of you... What he and a lot of other people also don't get is we already know all your dirt before we take you on as a client, we know what you are capable of, your favorite foods...that silly action figure you shoplifted when you were 12, that year when you didn't file for taxes and we Goddamn know why..., we know where you were and what you were really doing when you were lying your ass off to your wife all those nights claiming you were working and you really were doing someone else, but we aren't neither stupid or cocky enough to let you know we know...its a lot safer for us when you think you are in control...its an illusion...an illusion we create...so that we become better at what we do and get your ass out of the sticky situations your ego and your money get you into.

"Any news on Daughter Fucker?"
"actually yes, Sam came up with a lot...his name is Michael Anthony Davids born August 12th 1983...graduate Cairo University Faculty of Law Class of 2005.. is a Junior Associate at Inglewood & Danjac a corporate services firm...lives in Heliopolis...clean record..only a misdemeanor for assault, it was a bar-fight he got into... Son of Anthony Davids... Factory manager and Janice George housewife...congregates with a close knit group of friends..classmates from school, list of known associates, frequented establishments, no spouses...and oh...he has been seeing your daughter for a while"
"Lawyer huh..."
"legal consultant actually"
"were you classmates?"
"no, can't say the name rings a bell...I was before his time"

We discuss the particulars of what Janovich came up with..., i tell them all there is to know about Stanely Ho's known and not so known History..., the investments hes been in , the whole lot. i also came up with some research as to how ventures come about, regulations governing foreign investors..Paranoid will be considered a foreign investor..limits to partnership...we gotta go in prepared. I told him his exit options didn't look nice unless you allow Ho to buy you out..he took a point of it. but was he really listening?

before boarding the Ferry to Macau, i went up to my room to get cleaned up and wasted some time online on MSN with a friend. She constantly complains about long working hours, she works in advertising. She doesnt seem to get how her boss thinks... if she puts up with the long hours her Boss throws in her face, its going to be the usual. its taking a toll on her life, livelihood and even her health. She tells me thats just the way it is in advertising, im not trying to belittle what she does in any way, but she does it with passion as if shes curing cancer, when at the end of the day its nothing more than emailing, preparing presentations, color correction and dealing with other people who slack and dont have to report to the deadlines that she has to. i respect the passion she has for what she does, i wish i could have the same passion about helping investors put their money in something that has broken hundreds of homes such as gambling, or saving arbitrary detainees from a certain doom of police brutality...or passionate about saving some guy's future from the hands of an abusive company ( like my friends who is ribbed long working hours) or save my unfortunate high school classmate from killing his mom and chopping her up to put her in the freezer. or fighting off a drug company who has a tendency of dumping its industrial waste in the Nile ( a water source for millions) I wish i could be passionate about telling the hundreds of people i have already told that they live in a system that claims they have rights but its the system itself that infringes their very rights. I wish i could be passionate about looking a woman in the eye and telling her that the man who raped her is most probably going to get away with it because she was too overwhelmed to undergo forensic examination within 36 hours of the attack, I wish i could be passionate about telling an old man that it is the government that killed his son and there is nothing he can do about it... I wish i could be passionate about telling every political activist i meet that whatever they do wont change a thing, that anything save taking up arms is merely futile....i wish i could be passionate about preserving the status quo and making money out of that...why the money? what did i do to deserve it? its hush money nothing more, we pay you as grievance for the shit you just have to see..? is it much? well i hope so...i mean if my friend at advertising makes more money than i do, who do you think is better off...blind and rich? or aware and poor?...why didn't i work in advertising? maybe then i wouldn't have the time to think about all this trivial garb...id be spending my entire day sending emails and doing color corrections, meetings, and presentations...

Day Three, 22:27 , Xanadu Lounge - Sands Macaou - Macau- PRC

okay, i hate to be cynical, but what kind of people discuss building a casino, in a rival casino? well okay this Stanely Ho guy has his hands in all gaming in Macau..but i mean why not go at the Lisboa...? turns out his daughter Josie Ho is a renowned pop singer and actress, and she has a number at the Xanadu lounge in a competitors Casino...( Ho also has an invisible stake at the Sands, so its kinda okay) but it was more of a mental note to add to all the notes that tell me that i really am way over my head with all these people. the meeting was the usual flaunt with some business on the side...a few courses and lots of drinks later, Paranoid Investor excuses himself to make a phone call outside in the corridor. Im approached by the singer's half sister and CEO of STDM Pansy Ho and she asks me what are my clients main investment concern, in addition to a failed attempt on her part to assess his solvency... i try to be as courteous as possible telling her he would be more qualified to answer that and seeing her time is of the essence i will go fetch him for her from the corridor. The moment i enter the corridor...i see him almost 20 meters away...all worked up, i can tell even though he is giving me his back...but you can tell from the tone of his voice...i heard it right there, clear as crystal in my own native tounge;


هي حصلت نتناسب من محامين؟

Day Four 23:30, Room 1228 - Park Hyatt Tokyo, Nishi Shinjuku - Tokyo- Japan

Trying as much as possible to retain professionalism after i heard what i heard. Hey i am human, i am entitled to be offended. but why am i not surprised? it happened to me before when i wanted to apply for a loan to get my first car the banks told me they don't lend lawyers, like we are some undesirables that dont meet the bar of people they would want to deal with, then this Paranoid Investor thinks working as a lawyer is good enough a reason to not marry his daughter off to someone, they have lawyer jokes, but not engineer jokes or banker jokes...its just us and accountants, and accountants get off easy...although it was accountants that were behind Enron...BCCI and in every embezzlement, theres always an accountant.

Seriously, are lawyers all that bad? you tell us about stuff you're ashamed of admitting to anyone else, we help you in your time of need, we don't judge you , like i said before we don't even create an impression about you, we tell you what to do and Goddamn it we help you with it we probably are the only people who get you results, your IT expert blames it on a bug, or requires you to download an undownloadable upgrade, your doctor cant give you a conclusive yes or no, your physical trainer blames it on your willpower, your parents blame you and your generation, your children blame you on how you bought them up, your friends blame you on not taking their advice, your Shaikh blames it on your lack of Faith, your boss blames it on your lack of professionalism..we, well we just make it disappear.
You turn to us when there's nobody else to turn to, we make it all go away like it was a bad dream, we help you use the system to get what you deserve, we clean up the mess YOU made, and you go about your life once more stronger than before and with more faith in your capabilities to either bring about prosperity or havoc. we advise you on every little tid bit, at any time of the Goddamn day, we dont have you check in with us first thing in the morning, or when the weekend is over, we help you fight corruption, discrimination, injustice and all the other ills of mankind, we enrich your knowledge on things you should've originally taken to heart, we help solve the unsolvable, maybe even touch you in the most irrelevant of ways but turn you into a better human being.
We protect you, even from your own self...
We help you have that perfect life of yours despite your imperfections, we are tempted to obliterate your peaceful existence at every moment cause we can... but we don't.. because we take our privilege responsibly.
And then,

We aren't good enough for you?


Who is good enough for you if we aren't?

I mean is everyone else so clean and squeaky? no Contractors that cut costs and buildings fall? no business men that runoff with other peoples money? no Doctors that forget instruments and towels in the guts of patients? no cops that beat up suspects and deny due process? no politicians that philander? no Bankers that run off with the loose change? no drug companies that come up with the disease before the cure ? no marketeers that convince you with a product you don't need and having you save up and work your ass off to buy it? and only when you do another new and improved one comes up that makes the old one look like shit? no sales men conning you into buying things you don't need? or you end up buying something that you never really wanted ? no stockbrokers that make you put all your life savings into a worthless shares only for them to rise up and the stockbroker piggybacks on your investment? no importers that dump the market with unsafe and cheap products? no steel magnates monopolizing local and foreign markets? no petroleum companies that influence governments to wage wars against inferior nations so that they can get more off-take agreements and exploit more natural resources? don't get me started.

All job types have all walks of life...both the crooked and the decent, the crooked will always be crooked, even if he's a Priest in Boston, the decent, will always be decent, even if hes a lawyer in Cairo who happens to be contemplating sanity on 50th floor of the second tallest skyscraper in Tokyo.

Ditched!

No thats not the latest name of a new fragrance from Dior, although i think they should come up with one along the same lines. Let's face it...how many girls go through that phase and need to feel better about themselves, how many times does the same girl go through this in her one solitary life? maybe once, maybe never , maybe all the time...either way, to overcome it she

should feel good about herself, experience her self worth. Smelling nice is definetly a part of that.

Scents and Fragrances aside, its natural to villify the culprit ( in this case the Ditching Dork), it brings a sense of closure. Victimization always helps and is natural in the healing process against Trauma, but why do girls still hang on? why do they have this glimmer of hope that things -if we try hard enough- will be just like they were?

Girl get over it, HE DITCHED you...ignore the phone, he wont send a message to try to win you back.

But Kane, he didnt give me a good enough reason why we cant be together...

Even better a reason for you to understand that he really doesnt want you....so why are you chasing after him? why are you waiting for that call that he will never make? why are you thinking about him all the time? why are you thinking of him at the times you should be thinking of someone else...face it, you are out on a date with this dream guy your best friend has been dying to fix you up with for ages, you reluctantly go for it beleiving you should move on. The guy is keen and most certainly interested, you can tell he is putting in alot of effort. When you size him up hes a keeper, Smart, Successful , Neat, Composed, Nice Watch, Nicer Shoes, cool smile, ambitious, makes a few jokes here and there...but everything he does, no matter how original, no matter how nice , no matter how flattering just leads you to the exact same thought...

"Old Guy would have done it better"

Why do you do that? why do you think that? why does he have dibs on you when it comes to relationships, hes ditched you hence a) he doesnt deserve to have dibs, and most importantly b) he obviously doesnt care...if he cared he wouldn't have ditched you in the first place. Why do you leave everything you are doing, and give him your complete and undivided attention the moment he makes contact? even if you are at a Party and supposed to have the time of your life...theres this hunk whos into you...and has been dying to wait for the perfect oppertunity for you to be available...the time is now...and hes much better than the old guy...you are supposed to be having the time of your life with someone who really cares, and is obviously into you..then old guy sends a message...

your thoughts just shift into another dominion..

the memories fly back, you are drowned in all the good times you had...and how great it felt...and how sweet and considerate it is of him to send you something...do you think he wants me back ?

erm excuse me...what about that great guy right there sitting on the table, waiting for you...hes been dreaming of you for quite a while...has the thought ever occurred to you that maybe with him you can start something so good that could actually make you forget old guy and merely chuckle at his mention?

Old guy is long gone, face it he ditched you...he must have had a good reason, if he doesnt...then that in itself is good enough a reason..i mean, he ditched you now for no good a reason, what would stop him from ditching you later on?

New guy is here to stay, he thought of you even when you were occupied, he waited for the right moment to step in, when you were available once more...not only did he respect the disrespectful old guy by not moving in on him but he also respected your decision to stay with the jerk...even though it was a wrond decision and he totally disagreed with it...yet here you are in the corner of the club...holding your phone wondering what to text back to Old guy...whos definetly just bored...and having some fun at your expense..and you know it!!! yet you come up with excuses for a guy who is not even coming up with excuses for himself..look back at the table...there is a guy...who is waiting to give you all you ever wanted, and probably all what the old guy didnt give you..

Bottom line

Dont text back, close the phone get back to your table and start small talk with the guy that maybe might be the face you wake up to for a good ten years...

This Post is Dedicated to three girls i know well..they've all been ditched recently ...they

know my faith in them to overcome their old guys is well placed. ;)

The Bedtime Storyteller

So i was in Stara Zagora - a provincial town in Bulgaria- for two days doing nothing but waiting. sometimes its all you need to clear your head and sit down and have a nice conversation with your overcrowded thoughts, which as you can tell...did happen. I also felt a little poetic ( hey you cant blame me...Stara Zagora is known for its poets) and realized how alot of people forget about alot of things that were integral back in the day but now just...i dont know, Blahze maybe?

How many people do you know were told bedtime stories as children? did it make them better children in comparison to the people you know who werent told bedtime stories? what kind of stories were they told? ones that stimulate their imagination? something to wrap them in a blanket of fantasy just before they let loose with all their crazy and movie worthy dreams? or were they merely repeated legends passed down from generation to generation to create tradition and cultural heritage? or were they simply anecdotes that teach you a few primitive lessons about life...( i mean they have to be primitive...you cant really tell kids bedtime stories about money, drugs and political interests as a child...i guess if you want to you would have to settle for a 90's version of the emperor's new clothes)

Nevertheless, Bedtime Storytelling is becoming close to extinct in our ever speed shifting excuse of a life...my cousin has 2 kids...but never the time nor energy to tell them stories of flying boys in green who refuse to grow up...or little blonde girls in blue and white who take too many pills and end up talking to doorknobs and have tea with fluffy animals and crazy card players...

so instead...he brings them limited edition DVDs of Alice in Wonderland, and Peter Pan for them to play on their LCD screen on a mantle...where probably previous generations either had a family portrait or bookshelf.

I have nothing against my cousin...he is not a bad parent, i have nothing against the choice of upbringing he has for his children...i have everything against the world that compells him to make such a choice.

My parents stopped telling me bedtime stories when i was old enough to read..they didnt want me to be dependent. fair enough, but frankly im sure i missed out on alot...cause i look at my sister...who had me to tell her all the bedtime stories she wanted to hear, and i look at myself. Her imagination is even wilder than mine..(some might think that is impossible but trust me shes got the better half of that) okay, okay, ill give myself the credit for a change and admit that i'd come up with most of the stories on the spot right there. She'd always predict a great storytelling future for me, be it in the form of a writer, actor, journalist, director...or maybe even stand up comedian ( but i tried that back in 2004 and ended up making a fool of myself infront of a crowd of 400+ and some nomads) even a lawyer is a form of storytelling ( very convincing storytelling might i add)

So anyways back to Stara Zagora...i was bored out of my head and decided to take a walk. it is quite a small city...but rather sunny for a European city especially since this is November people...we are talking close to sub zero temperatures...( guess this is just practice for the time ill spend in Siberia). So im walking around town and theres this little pavement cafe to next to what could be called the town centre...i notice this old man, very prissy ...in a nice off-white/ beige suit...hat matching scarf and everything, covering it up with a nice navy blue coat..he was drinking tea i guess, and was totally into the book he was reading..minding his own business, i mean even if a Ferrari zoomed by and crashed into a Hummer...in the middle of this nowhere town which probably is not home to niether car...add to that its not one of those passing through towns either, he wouldnt budge...not even flinch...

thats how much he was into whatever he was reading.

I pass him...and without lifting his eyes out of the book in a typical eastern european accent says:

"Sit down, i will be with you in a minute"

to my exclamation i was finally glad to meet someone who doesnt talk Bulgarian...but who the hell is this person and what does he want with me.

My curiousity getting the best of me told me to sit down, which i did.

"do you have good bedtime stories" he asked

"no but give me one and i will tell it quite nicely" i found myself answering back.

"Whatever happened to your imagination Roger?"

"My name isn't Roger...im afraid you have the wrong person sir.."

"if you were the wrong person, i wouldnt have you sitting down on the same table i am seated on and wouldnt be asking about the deterioration of your skill to conjure up fiction for sheer entertainment"

I decide to play along,

"Okay, you have me there...i am Roger, i was only playing"

"well, remember your sister Roger? the one you used to tell stories?...Mischa?"

"yes i do"

"where is she now Roger? where is she?"

"erm...last time i checked she was eaten by a trio of Lithuanian mercenaries, and very properly digested..i recall examining their shit a few days later..to find my sisters teeth in it...just like chunks of corn only white..and shiny"

"oh now that is truly dreadful roger...well ill get to the point..."

"please do..."

"i have a daughter...she's dying, the only thing that would make her better is if you can tell her a bedtime story. come to the castle on the hill tomorrow...tell her a Bedtime Story and be on your way.."

As night falls...i trod up the hill to reach the isolated Castle on the outskirts of town. I wonder to myself why is it that most Castles i have visited, if inhabited are always visited at night? the only conclusion i came to is -Castle or no Castle- most of your visits to anyone are at night...

Nobody listens to Bedtime Stories in the morning, even if before an afternoon nap...everyone is too entrenched and engulfed in the lies they live in the morning only to show their true colors at night? or is it the other way round? well its relative, and i think that is me trying to be a tad bit too philosophical...i should stick to what im good at....

Bedtime Stories.

I reach the Castle's entrance...not your scary looming structure that freaks the hell out of you when a flash of lightning lights up the sky in a sudden and unexpected burst...its just a nice Big and grand stone structure...with a little ivy growing in the cracks..the driveway is paved a dark and opaque marble...there are two cars parked next to one another as if they are on a date...the first which seemed quite out of place was a Yellow 69 mustang...i didnt even know 69 mustangs came in yellow. could be a paintjob...but a good one...for Bulgarian Standards at least. the second was an old ( as in 40s) white Citroen something more of what the old man from the cafe would be driving...so i automatically assumed the Citroen belongs to prissy old man...and the mustang belongs to dying little girl...daughter of prissy old man. i walk into the short entrance and find myself in a cobbled landing...there is a rather robust old woman on the side...with a huge mess of foam and detergent around her...seated in a crouch position in front of a large round wooden tub...you can tell from the smell of the detergent that she is washing she has a colored scarf wrapped around her head..with few strands of hair ecaped the clutches of the sweaty scarf. she sees me and smiles...donning her blackened gums and what few teeth remain attached...

Teeth....

I saw Mischa's...Teeth in their droppings. they ate her...to survive yes...but they ate her...they ate one of their kind...consumed her like we consume cows everyday...eat them, digest them and then make them become an eternal part of us...what we dont like we let out of us...as waste...Just like Mischa's Teeth...

She had beautiful Teeth...
Which made her have a beautiful smile...gone...eaten, devoured.

Prissy old man waved from a window...and jestured me to come up....when we finally reached his Daughter Alexa's room...all i can think of was Mischa...and how she'd listen to my stories.

Alexa was a good listener...she gives you feedback with her facial expressions...intrigue, excitement, anticipation, boredom, all appeared clearly through a series of systematic nods...wide eyed stares and raised eyebrows....and a couple of pouts. She seemed quite jovial for someone awaiting their death. From what i understood it was quite a terminal illness that nothing can be done about. She really is accepting her fate i guess.

Alexa smelt like someone about to die...you know that smell...musty and sick, with all the bacteria and worms and maggots waiting to eat you..once you have no immunity..disgusting creatures...scavengers...

well at least they dont kill for feeding...they feed on what already is dead...

Whats bothering you most ? the fact they killed her cause they were hungry? or the fact that she was eaten?

Don't know..its just an awful thing to do...

Fuck you Issei Sagawa, Fuck you Jeoffery Dahmer,

they're cowards...they can't scavenge...its ego...not gastronomic hunger...

i will kill you

i will fuck you

i will eat you

you will be part of me..forever...

thats their chain of thought..they want to glorify the victim immortalize them as long as they themselves exist, not out of love of the victim...but out of envy...they see something in the victim they might lack, and covet it, they destroy you...and take it for themselves...they are threatened...by yor very existence..they erase you..and in a way become you..no, you become them..a living part of them, that regenerates, grows with them...

Sick

Sick

Sick

I want my Mischa back...i want to tell her Bedtime Stories, stories of men in a land who arent afraid of being eaten, of women who dont fuck for power, who dont perceive life as an eternal battle between genders and a test to prove superiority, in a world where man doesnt kill man or reign supreme over his fellow man to satisfy his ego, preserve his blood or juice up his bank account. a world where i need not look over my shoulder, where i can just love people and never worry about them seeing harm, strife or suffering, a place where Injustice cannot flourish, a place where Apathy can't breathe, a place i can share with my kind

A Secret place

My Secret Place

My Bedtime Stories...

Soundtrack to Driving on the Dark side of the Road

"The world still is the same...you'll never change it...as sure as the stars shine abovvve...

"well you're nobody till some-body lovvves you...so find yourself somebody to lovvvve..."
Dean Martin was gracefully interrupted by the revving of the sheer powerful 420 horsepower engine of the Camaro SS driving on the Road...







"Here i am...on the road again...there i am upon the stage...there i go...im playing the star again here i go...turn the page" - Bob Seger "Turn the Page" -





"Im on the road again..i aint got a woman just the car my special friend...im on the road again
"for i aint going down that old lonesome road....all by myself"

- Canned Heat "On the Road Again"-

"Hey Hey Hey Hey....Hey Stupid...What you Trying to do ?"

- Alice Cooper "Hey Stupid"-

Its certainly good to be home...but what am i going home to ? a warm bed and a nice home cooked meal, a shower, clothes, maybe a good book and some milk ( yes i still drink Milk.. for alcohol doesnt really solve anything but then again, neither does milk). I'm going home to an email account, fresh newspapers...a friendly porter, smiling neighbours who always wonder what do i do with my life, my couch, my Chair, i dont even have pets to give me a warm welcome home.



It's your choice...It's your life...you made it this way...why are you complaining...?
I'm not really..i really am enjoying it this way.. its relaxing, the moment you walk into the door...you are shut off from life...silence...only accompanied by your thoughts...

King of Your Castle...
not a long way to go...i should take a note to download king of my castle when i get home... until then lets see whats on the iPod



"Like the circles that you find...in the windmills of your mind"

-Sting "Windmills of your Mind"-

My mind has alot of windmills right now...I'm thinking way too much for my own good...





"Relax...Take it Eaaaaaaaasy" -Mika-
Phone rings...
"its Me" says Mr. Adham..."we're on..."
I dreaded those two words like you dread walking into that test you know you arent prepared for...like getting out of the car after a fender bender knowing it was your fault and you have to report to the driver infront of you and are at his mercy...like that call you have to make to a loved one telling them someone they care about has died.
Just when i thought i have room to breathe...the walls cave in again...
Kane..chill you are used to it....yes this one is big...but come on...its just business as usual.

"Do you still wanna meet where the killers eat, held accountable for anything you repeat?"

- Ice Cube "The Pecking Order" -

"Then Cowboy change your ways or with us you will ride...
tryin to catch the devils heard...across these endless skies..."

- Willie Nelson Feat. Johnny Cash "Riders in the Sky"-

"I want to live...where no one is watching my way home...."

-Smashing Pumpkins "For God & Country"-

"Staring at the world through my rearview mirror...just looking back at the world...from another level..you know what i mean? staring....
Multiple gunshots on the block, first off niggas is callin the cops, people shot...nobody stops, i wonder when the world stopped caring last night..you get shot while the whole block staring.."

- 2PAC "Staring at the world through my rearview"-

Yes the World is a nasty place, and imposes on you to do things you dont want to do, or never really realized you had it in you to do. But what are you going to do about it, you sure as hell wont cry about it now? how will that help...plus who are you going to cry to ? i thought you were alone...you didnt have all those lovely people as friends who are truly and utterly grateful for your existence in their life, and you dont want to get attached to them because once the heat comes you will have only 30 seconds flat to ditch them and walk away...so just get it over with...dont be a PPDQ and just get it done...Citibank Style...or was that Nike...?
Yes, something else as drastic even more, maybe less is going to pop up afterwards...because that is what happens with you...and i got news for you man...it will never end...thats life for you so put up or shut up ( No Fear T-shirt).
VROOOOOOOOM! ...that engine is just sheer Mazikkkkkka!!!! especially with the riffs of La Grange playing in the background....

Just Drive off..into the night...thats what you are good at...
why cant you be normal....find a girl and settle down..im sure someone out there is good enough for you



"I must have tried a thousand times...sometimes i think shes just in my imagination"

-Rolling Stones "Anybody seen my Baby?"

You dont find her because you dont want to...it scares you if you do...
Admit it...Women scare you...
You Fear women..



"Blood on her skin, Dripping with Sin...Do it again..."

- Rob Zombie " Living Dead Girl"-

"I say, Hell is Love, You say, You must Suffer, She's a , Mother fucker..

-The Ballad of Resurrection Joe & Rosa Whore-

Leave this self freudian analysis to someone qualified you twit...i wont admit to anything...im too tired to think, too tired to analyze...no time to breathe, get on...drive faster...you will be late...oh well...click next on that Damn iPod:

Love is Strong

Rolling Stones

40 Licks (CD2)

Love is strong, and you're so sweet

You make me hard you, make me weak

Love is strong, and you're so sweet

And some day, babe we got to meet

A glimpse of you, was all it took

A stranger's glance, it got me hooked

And I followed you, across the stars

I looked for you in seedy bars

What are you scared of, baby ,

It's more than just a dream

I need some time

We make a beautiful team,
Beautiful team ,

I wait for you, until the dawn,

My mind is ripped, my heart is torn

And love is strong ,and your so sweet

Your love is bitter, it's taken neat.

Why do i get the feeling the Shuffler on my iPod is trying to tell me something?

*sigh*
oh well....
Whatever
*mumbles*

Amnesia

Waking up in a Ditch in the middle of nowhere surely is an experience to knock you back to your senses. here i am, its almost 9 am according to Cairo time ( i always keep my watch set to Cairo time wherever in the world i happen to be) Im still in yesterday's suit...white shirt & no tie...covered in dust...im face down in the ditch...the taste of dirt still in my mouth...involuntarily crunching on a few grains of sand between my molars. Doesn't feel nice..

Theres Blood on my cuffs...is it mine?

An image from last night flashes infront of me...a Tall looming man...white hair and tiny beady eyes that penetrate you in an instant grimacing at me...with smoke in the air...he leans over to me and opens the passanger door im resting my wieght on and just flicks me out of the car like an annoying fruit fly...

Who's blood is this? did i beat someone up? should i skip town cause im surely not an assualt suspect...this could be murder. I frantically try to remember what on earth happened and how did i end up somewhere in the middle of the desert outside of Reno..

Can't seem to remember....

Can't seem to remember where exactly did i sign up for this bullshit either...

Tall looming man smiles at me and says reassuringly " I am a Just man..i will only give you what you deserve...ill only treat you like the monster you are...you are just like me...but i will put you in your place".
A few hours before...i was in a room...a room with a pretty view..there were men in the room...all clean cut and dressed for a nice Business function after hours.. well it was after hours for me...to them daily business was just about to begin...There was money on the table..the neon lights coming in from the panoramic windows to our right danced all over the faces of Benjamin Franklin. Benjamin wore the only smile in the room.

these people were pissed..

The Couch had a man in probably the cleanest galabeyya i have ever seen, covered in a nice black 3abaya with golden lining and a scarf wrapped around his tiny head.

"Raghead" was the first thing that came to mind...im sure alot of people wondered what the hell is someone dressed like that doing in a place like Reno..he didnt care, hes to preoccupied with bigger matters than to wonder about the impression he might be giving to the locals. he dares one of them to speak their mind. they should accept and be tolerant of other cultures as they claim.

"يا كين....جول له أنه مصعب الموضوع من غير داعي لو بوده دم حيبجة دمه هو و رجالته إللي سايل"

I try to translate that in the most diplomatic way possible, for i am the messenger..and messengers were always the cheapest cannon fodder in most wars..

" You are unnecessarily alleviating the situation..if it is blood you want to see, it will only be yours along with the blood of your men"
Tall looming man's eyes widen in amusement

" Who the Fuck are you?... his Translator?"

Im only a lawyer..
Im only twenty four..
I should be going to bars...dating pretty girls...driving a fast car...maybe doing a little cocaine on the side too...

My worries in life should only be Armani Suits, Fashion models and how to date them...and maybe a few serious lawyer work in the mornings...but nothing that follows me home...

nothing that haunts me in my sleep
nothing that makes me want to forget
nothing that would make me go all the way to Reno to settle it
nothing that would make me end up in a Ditch covered in dust and someone elses blood.
Can't seem to remember when exactly did i get involved into all of this
Can't seem to remember when i have become an integral and inseperable part of this universe of filth, greed, blood and tears..

Kane...what do you remember?

I remember being six, spending my summer in Alexandria with my Parents...we had a cabin on the beach. alot of people did, nice people, nice people i would have loved to surround myself with. we'd build sandcastles on the beach, swim in to reach the lighthouse at the end of the bay. go to the pier and spend the entire day fishing in our bathing suits..when we got too bored we would jump into the water and try to catch the fish with our hands...as if we were cartoon bears. on some days when the sea was too rough, we'd settle for a day flying kites on the beach...our parents would know exactly where we were from the location of our kites gliding through the sky. sometimes when we were in a creative mood, we'd gather around all the parents and put on a play for them at someones cabin, theyd act all interested just for us, simply because they were really happy to see us all enthusiastic about something.

I remember being eight, doing my first science experiment in school, they were trying to teach us the water cycle and hence we had to make a solution evaporate and the salt would crystalize in the beaker. i went home aspiring to become a scientist..it was a few weeks before my birthday. i got a chemistry set as a gift that year.

I remember being ten, my dad had me signed up for tae kwon do classes, it was one thing i was persistent in. everytime i felt sore from being beat in class, he'd rent out a bruce lee movie for me from the video club...he'd tell me bruce lee was beaten up as a kid too...look at him now. i remember one day, after class i went strolling with my mother and we bought ice cream although it was the middle of winter...we enjoyed the view and had talk about why would i be taking tae kwon do lessons..
"so that you can protect us from the bad people dear"

"why do bad people want to hurt us?"
"because they are bad..."
"why are they bad?"
"they're just selfish...they want what they dont have, and the easy way to get it is by hurting others in the process" "what do they want?"
"happiness"
"why cant they just eat ice cream and talk to their mothers?"

she just brushed my hair playfully, chuckled and gave me a kiss

I remember when i was twelve, i had my best friends over on a saturday morning, we played some video games and then went to play pool..we thought it was cool. On the way back we found this vendor who sold "bumb" which practically is gunpowder wrapped in little newspaper balls and fastened with some copper wire. we bought 10 pounds worth of it each...and engaged in civil war on my street. the porters would cheer and root for "ibn el 7etta" or Son of the Hood the cars passing by were courteous enough to stop for a moment as not to interrupt our little private war. Everyone was enjoying the mirth we were in...little boys engaged in violence against one another.

I guess Clean Galabeyya man and Tall looming Man wished people would let them have their own little war too..but then some 9-5 uniformed Reno PD man waiting for retirement yet with some delusions of grandeur would be tempted to meddle in their affairs thinking they are small time dope pushers who want to pull it off Montana Style. Why is it that the life we seem to watch in movies and have the comfort of being separated from by the touch of a button seem to have this tendency to jump out of the screen and become as real as the thumb protruding from my left hand? and why so soon...?

Im only a lawyer
Im only twenty four...at this rate...i wont be twenty five

I remember when i was 14, just came out of the shower on a thursday night..drenched my hair in gel...wore my addidas T-shirt...my levis jeans and headed off to the club...i'm meeting a new friend today..his name is Michael...we're going to go girl hunting for girls. we end up forgetting about the whole thing and just walk around chatting about this and that. Michael is probably like the brother i have never had...we talk to this very day...despite the different lives we may lead. I also remember meeting Lana that year too...she was new to school, her mother was worried about her and just picked a random kid in the playground who just happened to be me, she told me to take care of her like she was my young sister, i fulfilled that role to the fullest last week when i married her off to this great guy. I also remember this girl, her name is Nikita, i had the biggest crush on her but was too afraid to tell her, i spent 3 years fearing confession. Thats how ill prepared i was for life back then. i met her by coincidence last week too...shes a successful career woman working in a big company, and accordingly meets the expectations of having an active social life.

I remember Reno PD man pleading for his life. begging for mercy, and how he has three daughters to feed and a sick wife. i remember how all i chose to focus on was how would jenna, laura and vicky take the news...and how are they supposed to take care of their sick mother now that daddy's last resting place was a hole in the desert. i dwelled on the thought of how disgusted i was with myself that i was a part of that...how i let it happen before my eyes and silently chose to be a part of it out of fear..which still is not good enough justification. i wondered how Galabeya man and Tall looming man dealt with that..did they feel the same way too? or did they kill off their souls a long time ago?

I remember when i was 16, Grandpa gave me an old gun of his. "use it with respect" he said, "it is only a sport...not a tool, it doesnt solve problems...it creates them...use it alone...respect its power and the power it can give you...but never use it. enjoy it in solitude...should you be compelled to share it with someone, then this sport is not for you. never teach someone how to use it, it is merely instinct. you cannot teach someone instinct.

A day will come, where you will be tempted to use it...dont give in to temptation, for if you will..then that will be the day you lose your soul"

I sought out someone to help me with the ways of the gun, lets call him Operations. Operations beleive that guns were intially made so that the weak can protect themselves. Time has proven that the creation of Gun is like opening Pandora's Box. i conveyed that to Operations, he replied with two things:-

1- "Teach your Sons the way of the Gun, swimming and the riding of beasts"
2- " you must protect us, take care of us ...you have a duty to protect, you must be prepared i dont ask you to act..i am here to teach you how to react, like i said, guns are for the weak, alot of weak people will be fooled to think they are strong, and will attempt to harm others, react Kane...react and put them in their place"

I didnt put Tall Looming man's goons in their place, I didnt put the mad dictator vanquishing our pride all these years into place, i didn't put Issei Sagawa in his place...nor Dahmer, nor Bundy, nor Ezzat Hanafi, nor Bashandi, nor Charles Taylor, nor Slobodan Milosoviesc, nor the neighbour i hear beating his wife, nor the Citizen killing Cop, nor the men at Novartis, nor the men at Haliburton, nor the Spectres of Switzerland,

but then again...nor did anybody...

I walk closer to a grey stretch in the middle of the desert. it must be a road...its empty. theres a road sign...Reno 12 miles and it points to the left, another sign pointing to the right..."BACK HOME 4,000 MILES"

I stand under the road sign, waiting for any car to pass by. a Silver Lamborghini jets by me headed to Reno..Lola is driving..she must have heard im in Reno..she just passes me by.

What happened last night? what was the money for? who is tall looming man? who is galabeya man? what happened to Reno PD man? where did i sign up for this shit, how does being a lawyer make u end up in all of this?

a lot of questions unanswered..

A Black Suburban passes by...coming from Reno...Jordan Kalfus is driving...Rankin Fitch is riding shotgun with a cigar in his hand i autostop them...

"Kane boy..." Says Fitch..."come with us...we came to pick you up.."

"you headed back home?"

"nah, little britches...we're taking you back to Reno"

"I'm through with Reno"

"well it beats the middle of the fuckin desert dont it...just come back to civilization then sort something out there to go back home"

Kalfus throws in a look..."Last call Kane"

"ill try my luck with the next car"

I wait for a while till the next car passes..it hits me how as much as i want out..how much i have been prepped for all this..we live in a world that prepares you for this. No matter how protective or impermeable the bubble you live in might be. If your parents dont sign you up for Tae Kwon Do lessons then some bully will steal your jellies. If your mother doesn't ask you to protect her, some guy will knock up your sister and run away...leaving your sister to blame and a filthy little monster grow inside of her. if you dont come across someone like Operations..you will meet a reefer man to teach you the ways of the joint, or a Ghandi man to teach you the art of politics, or a Bhudda man to teach you spirituality...either way that won't prevent Dakhleyya man from having some fun inserting impaling objects into your rectum.

Even if you manage to use supergule to seal all the holes in your so called bubble...some bubble popping monster will come along and burst your domain with the utmost ease...living you flickering around like a fish on the deck of a boat...squirming out of your inevitable fate in futility.

A White Mercedes appears on the horizon, coming from back home...i see the driver...i recognize him..its Mr. Adham...he stops and lets me in...and zooms off to Reno.

"We heard what happened...we also heared what you told Kalfus & Fitch...don't be silly Kane..Reno is your place...Reno is your Duty..protect us from the bad people your mother once told you about"

I can tell we are driving quite fast...or maybe the Road to Reno is just easy...we're almost there...

"Mr. Adham...you once taught me how it is all about free will...one cannot escape his destiny nor his duty..so leave me find my path...if Reno is my Destiny...i will be there...but for God's sake i didnt sign up for this shit!!....Im only 24....Im only a Lawyer.."

Mr. Adham Drops me off at a roadhouse... two miles outside of Reno... the sign says "last stop to Reno" the parking lot is full of 18 wheeler trucks. alot of cars zooming by the roadhouse..all going quite fast..full of familiar faces...from back home. Xanatos, Dollface, Chuckles, Beamix, Twine Runner, Pigbart, Scorpio, Curly Sue, Agroboys a plenty...and Gulfies Galore..all heading down to Reno.

The sun boils down on me...i recall the past 8 years of my life..such a detour...such a dissapointment to the little child that was once me. i need a lift back home. Reno shouldnt be for people like me.

A woman...walks out of the roadhouse dressed in a red trucker cap, trucker shirt jeans and red converse hightops...just gawks at me...her name turns out to be Bertha...(not the first Bertha i meet) i inquire as to the reason of her gawk...

"oh...its nothing,"

"have we met?" I ask

"maybe in a past life..is that your blood?"

"no, its not mine..but im sure ill get into alot of trouble for it...so you headed to Reno?"

"yeah...lots of action going on, im only here to watch...dont want a part of it though"

I pause and reflect on what she just said...i remember the day when i once said it...and look at me now...

"don't...its hard to resist..."

"i know...i am rather intrigued...quite curious to explore...i have some time on my hands before i move on...so thats why i am thinking of exploring.."

I felt compelled to help...

"well spend your time eslewhere...i lost myself in there...and im trying to find it again...!"

"wow...self discovery...can i help...please?"

"you say you have the time...can you drive me back home?"

"but i wanna see Reno..."

"maybe i can give you a tour...but i gotta go home first...will you drive me home?"

"well i got the time...and i could use a nice long drive..."

"Wheres your car then?"

She smiled... I haven't seen someone smile...since benjamin franklin on the table..before that...well maybe when i was six...The Parents enjoyed the plays we had on the beach...

Why do i get the feeling i might end up back in Reno?

well whatever happens i hope this amnesia wears off..i dont know where ive been...i know where i came from..and i sure as hell dont have a clue where am i going...

but alot of questions need to be answered.

The Danger of a Beautiful Stranger

Probably one of the most common fantasies of just about everyone i know is meeting a beautiful stranger in the middle of a crowd of seemingly interesting people, where such a Beautiful Stranger just makes them all appear as banal. Something that kind of goes like this:

" I was there...in the middle of the crowd, a crowd of people all of which were at their very best. A crowd so accomplished that i would only dream of being placed with. Am i truly one of them? but of course i am. for this is quite an exclusive gathering and we are but a select few that have been chosen among many, makes me feel special doesn't it ? to my right there's Mr. Billionaire , with the whole wall street look going on for him,he looks like a Stockbroker....to my left there's Miss Executive, in a nice black dress...looks like she's in Advertising. hmm...why am i not that impressed anymore? i wonder what my significant other is doing right now. That thought just enters my head while i attempt to dodge Mr. Fat Sleazeball who has had one drink too many and will be making a fool of himself pretty soon, wonder what does his wife think of all of that...oh well....looks like this night wont be as great as i expected....

Will i meet someone tonight i wonder? well what the hell am i thinking i have a significant other i probably will never find someone like anywhere else? but are we right for each other?

i'll stop obsessing now...ill think it over tomorrow. Okay, Mr. Billionaire is hitting on Blonde who is desperately trying to look like Jessica Simpson...he must be drunk...Miss Executive is being swooped away off her feet by that hunk who probably has a brain the size of a walnut, but people give him the benefit of the doubt due to his lovely jawline and 5 o'clock shadow. Shes had too many mojitos to be in control too.

Everyone's drunk..

i'll humor myself and observe the comedy going on at the dancefloor...

right there between Mr.Producer who is dancing like a frog in a blender and Mr.Politician who is shifting his wieght from buttcheek to buttcheek while balancing a drink in his hand and a menacing look on his face i see a Stranger that attracts my undivided attention....

everyone else disappears for an instant that seems to last forever...

The Stranger is Sober....

the only other sober person among a miniature world of drunks, blinded by their stupor...

with a reprise in my head of the chorus of a song by Chad Kroger and Carlos Santana i actually feel hope...

this might not be a bad night after all..

"Hi..."

"well hello there..."

"tempted to say something cheesy to try to convey how much id love to keep this going...but ill take a risk and go by something boring like i need some fresh air...care to join?"

"uh huh - & a smile"

We then take a long walk, forgetting about the drunken world behind us, with its loud music and designer attire...all the glamor and excitement behind us...for a new kind of excitement awaits..an excitement that might last way longer than one night...that needs no Gucci nor Prada to be glamorous that needs no Vodka to be brave, that needs no Cocaine to say the right things , no business card for me to remember it the morning after and no phone number for me to keep in touch with again. One would expect we talk about what we do when we aren't surrounded by drunks, show our pros and try to hide our cons...but actually..we conversed as if it were for the millionth time...small talk at its most trivial, humorous and definitely at its most enjoyable. The Hours were chitchatted away like wind gently blowing leaves off a tree.

The Parting was spontaneous...as if we are bound to meet again...no assurances, no guarantees but there was this inherent feeling of certainty this wont be the last time.

And i drive off...back into my world that awaits me....saying

Aaay yo ayyy yo ayyy yo ayyy and the voices ring like the Angels sing

Makes your heart grow wings and fly...dont it ?

" The Morning After i talk about the encounter with my friend who is skeptical about the whole thing and taunts me for my foolish behaviour that i shouldnt dwell on it...it just ends right there and there is nothing special about it... that stranger might be committed, might be not good for me...might clip my wings...ill lose my freedom...its just not time...the person i am with is safer...better for me... that stranger might be an assassin, a rapist, a serial killer, a freak, a player, or even worse...married.

I decide to take a second opinion...i seek the advise of the words of wisdom of my mentor..this is what my mentor tells me:

" As unwise as this might sound...such matters need not be decided in committees and closed chambers..no five year plans...and no votings..such matters need strong foundations you may only find in your gut...maybe your heart...we only live once..the lucky of us..maybe twice...that meet was in the utmost certainty an experience on its own... should you see yourself as a lucky person, one of the people who live twice...then search inside yourself for motivation...should you find it..then chase after this Dangerous Stranger...the stranger will not harm you nor give you grief nor time of day..."

What about the Risks O wise one?

"The Risks are well balanced with the rewards...Seek the Stranger...should the searching inside yourself prove fruitful..then you have nothing to fear...if such stranger is as you speak..then no change or expectation will be imposed on you...free will Grasshopper...free will.. that is what strangers advocate..."

What of the Dangers and Sacrifices?

" you are not asked to sacrifice...you will feel what is right later on...and such sacrifice will be of your own initiative...and hence not appear as a sacrifice...but what you want to do...as for the dangers...we are beings who thrive on danger...for danger brings drama...drama sells...look at Oprah...go Young Grasshopper...love...maybe even fall...play in the playgrounds of life... Dance with your Stranger...pull the devil out from inside of you...the stranger is a gift from the heavens...its so easy to tell..its a blessing from above that could save you from hell..."

Aay yo aay yo ayy yo ayy...and we daaaaanced on into the niiiiiiight!!!!