The Bitch

She came for a visit last night. I was sleeping. She just stood there sneering silently, enjoying my lack of conciousness while she had the upper hand. She felt powerful over me, she could have ended my slumber right there with the least bit of effort. Her mind started being creative in the ways she could torment my peace. She could've screamed one of her shrill screams that haunt me , or land an icy pail of water on my head, even worse set the bed (or my feet) on fire and watch me bounce around the room like a mexican jumping bean in chaos and she'd be laughing at the havoc she created in sheer evil. or she could've just had me suffocate with that extra pillow lying around.

She didn't,

She just lit a cigarette and sat down on a chair, one of her trademark More Menthols. There was just this something about here presence where i lie down every night that i found very uncomfortable. As deep as our understanding of one another goes, We are both strangers, the stranger you meet in a public place but just relate to. The stranger you look at whenever something happens in the setting and you are looking for a public reaction wondering oh so how did that stranger react to the silly guy who spilt his drink on the lovely lady in the mink fur. The person who you have a deep conversation with glances rather than words. That was how we always dealt, and here she is standing there silently watching me in the most vunerable of positions. doing the most vunerable of things.

She enjoyed the power she had over me so much, its one of the rare situations that she can actually exert such power over me. She's been thirsty for it ever since we've laid eyes on one another. I broke her that day and she has been dying to break me ever since. Shes done so many things to try to break free, she threatened to kill me, threatened to kill herself, stole my gun and committed a crime with it, cut the break line on my car, sent me underwear at the office, walk upto me while on a date and just slaps me and leaves when i was making a good impression, steals my friends, steals my CDs and returns them scraped, but then she buys me flowers on valentines gets me a valuable present on my Birthday. Tells everyone how horrible a person i am, tells me how great a person i am. calls me whenever i need to talk to someone, never bothers me when i need my space. Shes lived all her life getting whatever she wants. i dont know why would she want someone like me, but whats interesting is that she can have everything she wants, she wants nothing but the thing she cant have.

Me....

That's the only power i have over her, frankly and i hope she knows...shes smart enough to know, i dont want that power over her. I used to enjoy her company, maybe still enjoy it too but thats all. Shes a free spirit, just like me, i dont own her, dont want to own her, she doesnt own me , and i dont want her to want to own me.

I dont know how long she was there, maybe for a minute, maybe all night long, but she wanted me to know of the visit.

When i woke up this morning i find the stub of her cigarette cozily tucked in my right hand. I head off to the bathroom and find the mark of two perfectly formed lips forming a nice smack on my left cheek. She marked me with both the most precious and least precious marks she can.

Then they say i am the one with issues.

The Biz Buzz

I work at a Law firm. we arent one of those bigshot names that have managed to acquire a household reputation. But surprisingly, even to me...we are in big business, we advise and handle litigation, Arbitration and ADR for many of the blue chips in various sectors of Egyptian (and Foreign) Big Business. Not to forget getting rid of problems of some pretty influential people ( the stuff they dont like to appear in the news papers). Anyone in my Firm is either a pretty powerful person to know, or someone who has the expertise to get rid of even your biggest broblem. My card holder has the business cards of people, some would actually kill to meet. The same applies to my cellphone contacts. I was actually offered a 4 digit sum in local currency for a phone number i had on my phone, tells you alot about the temptations i encounter in my daily life. I am on first name terms with the CEOs and MDs of most of the Clients we advise. and im only in my mid- twenties? impressive, apparently not impressive enough.

read on,

I was having lunch with a friend someday, we were at a nice poshy place in Zamalek. I bumped into an old acquaintance i met through a common friend. My impression about him when i frist met him was someone who was pretty ambitious and trying hard to make it big. In my opinion he seems like he is one of those people who are trying Too hard it intimidates you. Now dont get me wrong i have nothing against ambitious people, i for one know i am one of them, nor does other peoples successes intimidate me ( frankly i respect and love the challenge) But what i didnt like about the lovable fellow is that i felt he was "Faking it " nope i m not talking about what your first thought came after processing that term between quotations, im talking about faking success. Drawing up this image of perfection is very very disturbing to me, it displays lack of self esteem and awarness that u are flawed and what are you doing about it? lying your ass off .

Anyways in order to get to the point we exchange salutations and the normal how have u beens and what are you upto these days. he tells me he is working for this internationally acclaimed multinational accounting and financial services firm. impressive and i was really happy for the chap. then comes the part where i tell him what i do, hes like a lawyer? wow!!! what firm. i tell him the name of my firm which i really didnt expect him to know about.

His Face just shrivled in dissapointment, and in the most condescending tone possible he puts his hand on my shoulder and says the following:

"Trust me man, stick to a multi-national, thats where someone like you should go to"

i replied with a modest smile , trying not to reveal how much i pity the fool.

You see, heres the thing i hate. he just asked where do i work, didnt ask what do i do there? what kind of cases do we handle , am i happy or not? he just asked to know wether or not i work at a multi national or not, and here is what says about this fools rationale:

Multinational = Happiness & Success

Anything else = Misery & Failure

I then asked him a question which assured me my opinion was right, "did u ever hear about them?"

"No they arent famous man...go somewhere else"

now how foolish is that?

I agree multinationals can be very appealing to anyone who is young and ambitious , who wants to get somewhere and most people would be stupid to chose an SME startup over an established multi national, but i fail to see that this statement applies to alot of certain professions.

Law is very different. it changes from country to country , system to system, its a totally different world from here to libya for example, different technicalities, different loopholes, different ways of doing things hence different concerns. this is not HSBC we're talking getting you off for murder , getting u that inheritence your mean uncle has blocked off u, getting u that license to operate in the stock market , u think this shit is the same everywhere?

Frankly going for a multinational law firm is like wanting to make a blockbuster movie and hence go get Jim Carrey to act in an Egyptian comedy along with Ahmed eid...u simply just cant

Jim knows nothing about what makes Egyptians laugh, their humor , their culture, he doesnt even speak the language? what is he going to translate the jokes ok ill give u an example

"once a guy instead of sitting on a coffee sat on a tea"

Multinationals might work properly with a sales oriented business cause it all comes down to demand and supply, a universal need which in essence is the same everywhere in the world. let me tell u something ya chap menak loh..u know that some law firms in New York refuse to do work in New Hampshire (and i didnt say something like California on the other coast) because the laws are different. so what do u say about some american firm going multinational?

and if i wasnt right then why is it that most firms that open up overseas tend to forge a partnership with some crummy two bit local practitioner and let him in on a piece of their humongous pie?

Moving on, or should i say back...when i was a little boy, my father taught me that i gotta fight for what i have, not only fight against losing it, but fighting to actually gain it in the first place. You gotta earn what u get. Im a very sincere beleiver in that. yes id love to chair a board meeting of a billion dollar enterprise someday and im definetly fighting for it every day of my life but to do that...i think u need credibility and im not just talkin about corporate culture credibility im talking about credibility from every person who envys what u have hence does the easiest thing that would permit his failure by simply saying "u aint all that". you got to impress that guy to and u wont do that with your Ivy League Education or your Armani Tie. You do that with trench work, loads of it. You fought for all your life, its time to reap the harvest.

I go to a lot of companies and business and i hate what i see. i see really good people who have the potential to make wonders for themselves and hence, to others as well sitting their withering their livelihood away in front of a computer screen, making big money and being fooled that they are actually gaining experience. ask him how do u start a business, he refers you to the legal department, ask him how to forge a good relationship with your subordinates he refers you to the HR department, ask him about the product his company makes and he gives u a damn brouchure!!!! im asking u man!!! i very well know how to read!!! and they call that experience. And he looks down on me when he finds out i take the subway to court and know the subway network by heart (btw i have a car) , that i talk in arabic without including words like "say" or "concept" when im sitting down with friends. that i buy shoes from downtown, that some of the people i meet in my line of work dont know what an iPod is. does that really matter? Multinational Dude will eventually learn how to tell a liar from someone telling the truth after about 15 years from work, cause hes a smart kid and is striving to be better, by experience when hes a big CEO will be able to tell u 12 different ways of how to transfer shares without incurring merger tax but never seen what a share looks like. is on first name terms with all the countries influential people but wouldnt bother to remember the name of the worker who brings him in his latte every morning. cause he digs this life, but he wants it easy.

i dig this life too. but im a jerk who likes to make life harder on myself.

From The Faithful Departed

Dear all

I wrote this post when I was depressed. It is supposed to publish itself automatically after 24hrs of me not logging on. I defer posting everyday to ensure that u do not read it. So if you did, then it probably means I am dead. If you read it then It means that at some point during my life you mattered to me. There is a possibility that at the time of my death we weren’t pretty close, or even on good terms. But If this reaches you it means I am no longer alive. Just wanted to say goodbye, and my life no matter how long or short, was pretty much worth it, and your presence in it probably contributed to that. I don’t want you to be at a loss that I am gone. I am probably at a better place (if it isn’t better then it’s the place I deserve to be in so don’t be bothered) I want you to move on. Im just an ordinary person that happened to die today. Just like the hundreds who die every day, I ain't better than anyone who died on a day you were happy in. but trust me today is a beautiful day cause today is someone's birthday , some other dude will get a promotion today , as will someone get a new car, get married , fall in love or become a parent. So instead of joining the misery of my parting I would ask of you to join the jubilation someone is celebrating.

Take care of my parents, they had nobody but me, they might be hard to deal with, but trust me deep inside they are beautiful people. Go do that thing you have been delaying for ages because like I expected to do a lot of things today I will never have the chance to do them, and the same thing will happen to you someday. Reconcile the differences you have with people but were afraid to settle them. Do that thing you were always afraid to do but wanted to do someday. Life is short, and ends when u least plan for it.
If there was anything between you and I that I failed to resolve before my demise, I am sorry, if I ever hurt you or bothered you when I was alive I am also sorry. I ask not of forgiveness, but of understanding ; that I was foolish to think that I would live forever, and someday I will fix my screw-ups. If you are someone who did me harm during my life, I want you to not live one more minute with remorse because I have forgiven you before I departed and I want you to make the best of your life, and there's no time for you to drown in the sorrow of your mistakes , just move on and learn. Make the best of every moment we automatically tend to take for granted.

Life will always have its sweet moments, and its sour. It has an equal balance of both to suit your perception. Filter out the sour and focus on the sweet, it’s all a state of mind. We will never appreciate what we have until we lose it. Not because we're ungrateful and not because we are blinded, but because we need an ending in order to evaluate. You can never judge a movie until its over, the same thing applies to life and trust me all of us out there have lived great movies. Our endings might be abrupt, dramatic or even shameful but that’s just the end, if that’s the case then it is compensated in the other 119 minutes before the end but whatever you do, don’t be selfish and cry and moan that I am gone, I'm somewhere better now and soon you will be too. All I ask of you is that if you ever remember me during the rest of your lives I'd like you to smile when that happens, and go along with what you were doing, chances are its going to happen when someone is around to see that smile and it will make a difference in their day, so will it in yours as well. If you wish to do more than that on the anniversary of this day then playing "Moondance" by Michael Buble or Van Morrison is all I ask…no visiting graves, no wearing black for God's sake let me rest in peace, I'm a member of the omnipresent realm now, u don’t need to come to me, I will come to you.

I hope I contributed in your lives as much as I wanted to and I am confident you will all make me proud of being a part of your lives no matter how little.

Temporarily missing you , until we meet again live la vida loca,

See ya..

a Dead Man

The legend of the Pizza and the Jew

Over the course of last week, i got to meet a few interesting people...

Manny Vega: Simply put, manny (real name Manolo) is an Ad executive in Cartalena... he looks like a typical colombiano... dresses like a typical colombiano and gives off that "peace dude..life is good" vibe. I'm sure you are going like....so what what is so interesting about that? ill tell you what is so interesting ; how many times in this day and age, do you meet someone who genuinely and i stress on the word genuinely are happy with the way their lives are going? and Manny isnt exactly Senor Success...hes just a regular guy, with a regular job that in his country nobody needs (theyre too preoccupied with kidnapping and getting their kids off Cocaine) . However despite that he is fueled with great ambition...but does he cry everyday about how horrible life is to him? or how he isnt getting his chance? no...he's making the best of what hes getting.. and he is geniunely content.......you have to experience Manny Vega in order to understand what i am talking about, his cheerful demeanor is definately worth commendation.

Meyer Lansky: Meyer Lansky works at some center for curing male reproductive disease in Havana...he looks like a Jewish Jewel thief especially the way he browses around to acquaint himself with his surroundings. He talks about his Job all the time and talks about it as if he is curing cancer....although his job is all about checking male genetalia all day long, which definately isnt something nice for a guy but i commend him for his passion.
what is interesting about Lansky is like all havanians he has a night job, he's a freelance repo man....simply put, banks hire him to reposess cars that were financed to the banks cheap clients and havent paid back. He told me this story once of a "drive" he had to do in reposessing an old 49 T-Bird ( for those of you who never been to Cuba, the newest Car there is a model 58) so anyways, back to the 49 T- Bird, the Car was bought by a retired Military police officer, who after retirment paid alot of his former subordinates to guard his Villa, Lansky being the slick thief he is snuck into the place and when confronted by the Guards paid them off with Egyptian 1 pound bills, claiming they were antique pharoanic banknotes which could be sold for millions, and simply drove off in the 49 T -Bird. a few seconds later one of the boys playing in the neighbourhood who was periodically treated to strawberry flavoured lollies from the retired General actually risked his life and jumped into the cabriolet and bit Lansky on his slim bony bottom. I had the rare oppertunity of being displayed Lansky's injuries in that spectacle and i tell you that kid had one lollies to many.......man he packed a nasty bite!!!!


Anyways the point i am mentioning to you either Manny Vega or Myer Lansky is that they are two ordinary people, who have a lot of problems in their lives. Barely making ends meet put always manage to smile in the face of the world. when i always come back to Cairo, i see many glum faces, very rarely do i see anyone who barley forces one out of their lips... im sure none of us have to dodge ass-biting cuban street kids or touch other peoples privates for a living, but we always walk around with long faces just as if we've been fired or dumped by our wives of 19 years. I mean do we really have problems? or we just creating them for ourselves in order to satisfy the level of drama needed to live healthily?

Bottom Line : people who complain, are only after attention, people who never complain are too overwhelmed with real problems that they want to forget about them hence never talk about them.

PS: if emotions were edible...a smile would be a Pizza...its just staring at you with a smile even though it is about to meet its eater.

If playing the victim were an ethnic group, it would be the Jew

So stop being a Jew, be a Pizza for a change

I take it back: Danny i owe you an apology

last night i did something i have been wanting to do for almost 2 years, which was watch the next James Bond Movie. It surprisingly hit theatres quite suddenly. but before telling you what happened last night i want to take you 9 months earlier when they announced who the sixth bond is going to be :

It was down to 4 finalists:

1- Clive Owen
2- Julian MacMahon ( the hunk we all know as Christian Troy from Nip Tuck)
3- Daniel Craig (the gangsta from layer cake and one of the assassins in Munich)
4- some czech hunk


My money was on Julian since he physically would have made a great bond. His performances in Nip Tuck proved he would be able to pull the part, although there is something sacred about 007 that just cant make anyone don the tux and just start shooting through the eagle eye.
We are talking of a legend that has been there for more than 40 years. the most succesful franchise in modern marketing history and one that manages to adapt to the changes and broken the golden rule of movie making that sequels suck. It needs a lot of balls to stand in the shoes of someone like Sean Connery, and your performance would be compared to his...wow can u imagine? your first shot at mainstream spotlight and they're comparing me to connery right away? talk about career russian roulette. Its true, im not making mountains out of anthills look at Dalton? where is he now? Lazenby never got a role again after OHMSS ( On Her Majesty's Secret Service).

Anyways they chose Daniel Craig ( the man in the middle)........a Blond to play the legendary incarnation of Ian Fleming's fantasies. In objection my nick on MSN was Blond.......James Blond for a week.
i said goodbye to my addiction, with all the original creators dead (Fleming, Broccoli , the novels) i shall no longer be a James Bond fan.

I watched Layer Cake a month ago, it was my first time to take notice of Craig. he was good...real Good, but i was still convinced although his perfomance in Layer Cake made me put it up on the shelf with Casino , Goodfellas , scarface and true lies. i still doubted his capability to pull off being Bond. I was later told that he played a role in munich , although i did see the movie i barely noticed him, (typical spielberg, great storyteller, but totally buries his actors) so i watched it again. i respected Craig as an Actor, yet despised the fact that he is bond........i mean its exactly like getting Charlie Chaplin and ask him to portray a mafia hitman......Chaplin is a legendary comedian, but he cant be a good drama actor.

Then came the big day........last night, watching the legendary 007 pull it off for the 21st time ..the opening sequence got a 3 on my scale...the theme song and its sequence an 8 or even a nine as for the rest of the film....well its kind of complicated, read on

If to you Bond movies are strictly about the gadgets cars and the unbeleivable shit Bond does to save the world and women you are in for a total dissapointment.

But this one is a pretty Good Bond movie in my book, i left the showing feeling grateful knowing that Bond is still in capable hands ( Barbra....Cubby's daughter has not failed Ian's vision)

Craig manages to portray a Bond we have never seen on screen before, he is the Bond i fell in love with and grown up to respect, the James Bond of the novels, not of the movies...that Raw Killer who is pure evil that just happend to be on the side of the Good guys.....that was always what Bond is supposed to be....a Bad Guy, one nobody would disagree that the world is better off without the likes of him, but he happens to be with the good guys. That is the Dilemma that defines the Existence of Bond. You'd rarely feel it in the movies, ever since after Connery and Bond is that suave good looking nice guy that you automatically fall in love with , that is not Bond...that could be superman, or lethal weapon or any action hero, but Bond is no Hero...he kills people !

killing people is not heroism......yes he does it for a good cause since hes sanctioned by the Queen.......but then again he still is an assassin,

Anyways back to the Sixth Bond.....Daniel Craig , that Bond you see in Casino Royale is a grittier more raw Bond...very dark and sinister...its not about the bling bling to him, hes about getting the job done and for a lot of moments throughout the movie, you forget that he is the Good guy.

What Craig also adds is a depth of Character not experienced since Connery...yes the producers on several occasions tried to make Bond real by being defeated sometimes, take Die another Day for example when he was tortured for months.....that failed miserably and showed Bond as weak........ppl there is a difference between getting caught, and being weak about it.....this is very clear in this one. Since Bond gets beaten up alot in this one, and is even tortured......he still is tortured Bond style......and it looks soo spontaneous, he isnt acting.....he is Bond.
that scence where hes "got an itch" and the "last hand almost killed me" classic Bond attitude man........

Like the title says Danny, i owe you an apology......i didnt think you could pull it off without dissapointing me
Sorry....

For all you people out there, who hate Bond and think its a load of bull........go see Casino Royale then make your judgement........FYI the novel Casino Royale is the first Novel Ian Fleming ever wrote, it was supposed to be the first Bond.......but it never was an EON production. this supposedly shows you Bond from the begining . the very begginging. I dare you to not like it.

And in response to someone out there, (you know who you are) i just want you to know...i am not Bond nor am i trying to be him.......Bond is Me and trying to be me.......

From Man to Mouse : Nazareyet el Kees

Thank you, all of you. Now i will have to agree with my Dad everytime he says that they dont make men like they used to. Every place i walk into, every couple i meet (apart from a few unnotable exceptions) i dont see a man and a woman, i see a woman holding a Kleenex in her hand . I see a Lioness and a mouse, doing all he can desperately do in order to prevent his eventual devourment from a predator who is playing with her food.

"Why? why does it have to be this way?"

I'd like to meet one man, just one...ragel sa7eb sa7bo like we say in our nice little country that would stand up to his woman. look i know it is all about sacrifice and compromise but this is downright ridiculous. I mean i aint exactly a Genius but isnt it down right clear to you ya bob innak Kees? Kees belastic metkarmesh ? is it the sex? has she turned you into a slave because of the carnal pleasures she provides? i mean i have seen men turn into mice after they get married, even beofre that when stuff is only a silly relationship that shouldnt mean anything life changingly serious, men who have career changes in order to suit their loveyy coocha's perception of what they could be? is finding the right one soo hard that you are willing to turn into jerry's grey little cousin just to keep her? is it alot better to have someone and become a slave than to have nobody at all?......despicable if it has to be this way. no seriously....

I know by now you think ive got it all wrong, but just listen, the next time you walk into a cafe or a mall or a movie theatre or just look into the car next to you while you are stuck on the 6th of October bridge...you will see what i mean.

I know what you have to say, Love is all about sacrifice and compromise and all that altruisitc bullshit Women come up with. But beleive me , it doesnt have to be this way. I want to ask you something, im sure most of us have seen Desperado, that last scene when Antonio Banderas and Salma Hayek run off into the sunset, they're in Looove baby, but do you picture them 2 years down the line sittin in some bar sippin on their tequilas that he is going to be the wuss i see every 15 minutes or is Salma going to still be thanking God almighty every damn minute that she is with this heck of a Guy?
I wanna see 35 million versions of Antonio Banderas in this country, and i want to see 35 million versions of salma hayek hugging onto the tailcoats of those men...cause they are real men.

If turning into a wuss is the price i have to pay for falling in Love....Then you heard it here first Amigo....

Fuck Love.......i'd rather be a Man with no Woman than a Mouse with a Lioness.

The Challenge

Last weekend, i had a couple of social functions to go to. Ill spare you the details and mention one of them. A so called good friend of mine was getting engaged. the engagement although small since it was at his fiancees house , was pretty glamourous they managed to add alot of personal touches which made it pretty unique. from the music that was marvellously coordinated with the events of the evening , to the Four Seasons catering. it was pretty glam fab. the crowd was a typical gucci wannabe one. i caught the entire vibe of being in a chapter in Bret Easton Ellis' American Psycho , where someone could've chopped my head off just cause im wearing a better tie. the only person worth talking to was Paul, a fellow Lawyer. i really love him, if he'd only deflate his ego. but i like the kid, pretty ambitious.

Then out of the blue popped the most preposterous of people proposing the most preposterous of ideas. Gibbons...allow me to enlighten you a little bit about Gibbons, he has an IQ comparable to that of an aardvark. he looks like a baboon...hence the picture but hes really stylish and all about the bling bling. he has a customised golden Dupont lighter that has cufflinks to match, smokes like he's got sunburnt lips, and constantly stares at you with this condescending squint that makes him look less of a baboon and more like a surprised mole. Anyways enough what Gibbons looks like and a little more on that ridiculous idea of his.

"Kane, we want you to challenge this guy that thinks he is all that, if he loses ...we get his car"

You see that sounds like a line vin diesel would say to that stupid walker guy that girls think is cute and to die for. I mean when you read that what did you think the challenge was about? Racing right?...Well guess again, it was about General Knowledge...can you beleive that? general knowledge? i mean these people are all about the bling bling...constantly flaunting their posessions and taunting others as to how they have stuff you'd only dream of having, their idea of a challenge is that one of them who actually has a C55 Merc.. (i never knew there was a C55 until i was in the passenger seat of one) goes up against the new dude with the Ferarri 360 Modena and show him who is boss on the sokhna highway! but flaunting how they know someone who knows more than what some other guy knows is quite preposterous if you ask me.

people like these, just love novelty. In its absence, they attempt the ridiculous and present it as novel...simply for the sake of them appearing novel and never repetitive. simply put they are trying to satisfy the basic human condition of attaining what they dont have...They have everything. the only thing they dont have, is happiness...how do you give them the only thing they dont have?...through novelty, disguise yourself as something new and fresh..and they will pursue you, for to them...you are happiness, the only thing they dont have.