Wednesday, April 04, 2007

The Bitch



She came for a visit last night. I was sleeping. She just stood there sneering silently, enjoying my lack of conciousness while she had the upper hand. She felt powerful over me, she could have ended my slumber right there with the least bit of effort. Her mind started being creative in the ways she could torment my peace. She could've screamed one of her shrill screams that haunt me , or land an icy pail of water on my head, even worse set the bed (or my feet) on fire and watch me bounce around the room like a mexican jumping bean in chaos and she'd be laughing at the havoc she created in sheer evil. or she could've just had me suffocate with that extra pillow lying around.

She didn't,

She just lit a cigarette and sat down on a chair, one of her trademark More Menthols. There was just this something about here presence where i lie down every night that i found very uncomfortable. As deep as our understanding of one another goes, We are both strangers, the stranger you meet in a public place but just relate to. The stranger you look at whenever something happens in the setting and you are looking for a public reaction wondering oh so how did that stranger react to the silly guy who spilt his drink on the lovely lady in the mink fur. The person who you have a deep conversation with glances rather than words. That was how we always dealt, and here she is standing there silently watching me in the most vunerable of positions. doing the most vunerable of things.

She enjoyed the power she had over me so much, its one of the rare situations that she can actually exert such power over me. She's been thirsty for it ever since we've laid eyes on one another. I broke her that day and she has been dying to break me ever since. Shes done so many things to try to break free, she threatened to kill me, threatened to kill herself, stole my gun and committed a crime with it, cut the break line on my car, sent me underwear at the office, walk upto me while on a date and just slaps me and leaves when i was making a good impression, steals my friends, steals my CDs and returns them scraped, but then she buys me flowers on valentines gets me a valuable present on my Birthday. Tells everyone how horrible a person i am, tells me how great a person i am. calls me whenever i need to talk to someone, never bothers me when i need my space. Shes lived all her life getting whatever she wants. i dont know why would she want someone like me, but whats interesting is that she can have everything she wants, she wants nothing but the thing she cant have.

Me....

That's the only power i have over her, frankly and i hope she knows...shes smart enough to know, i dont want that power over her. I used to enjoy her company, maybe still enjoy it too but thats all. Shes a free spirit, just like me, i dont own her, dont want to own her, she doesnt own me , and i dont want her to want to own me.

I dont know how long she was there, maybe for a minute, maybe all night long, but she wanted me to know of the visit.

When i woke up this morning i find the stub of her cigarette cozily tucked in my right hand. I head off to the bathroom and find the mark of two perfectly formed lips forming a nice smack on my left cheek. She marked me with both the most precious and least precious marks she can.

Then they say i am the one with issues.