Ditched!

No thats not the latest name of a new fragrance from Dior, although i think they should come up with one along the same lines. Let's face it...how many girls go through that phase and need to feel better about themselves, how many times does the same girl go through this in her one solitary life? maybe once, maybe never , maybe all the time...either way, to overcome it she

should feel good about herself, experience her self worth. Smelling nice is definetly a part of that.

Scents and Fragrances aside, its natural to villify the culprit ( in this case the Ditching Dork), it brings a sense of closure. Victimization always helps and is natural in the healing process against Trauma, but why do girls still hang on? why do they have this glimmer of hope that things -if we try hard enough- will be just like they were?

Girl get over it, HE DITCHED you...ignore the phone, he wont send a message to try to win you back.

But Kane, he didnt give me a good enough reason why we cant be together...

Even better a reason for you to understand that he really doesnt want you....so why are you chasing after him? why are you waiting for that call that he will never make? why are you thinking about him all the time? why are you thinking of him at the times you should be thinking of someone else...face it, you are out on a date with this dream guy your best friend has been dying to fix you up with for ages, you reluctantly go for it beleiving you should move on. The guy is keen and most certainly interested, you can tell he is putting in alot of effort. When you size him up hes a keeper, Smart, Successful , Neat, Composed, Nice Watch, Nicer Shoes, cool smile, ambitious, makes a few jokes here and there...but everything he does, no matter how original, no matter how nice , no matter how flattering just leads you to the exact same thought...

"Old Guy would have done it better"

Why do you do that? why do you think that? why does he have dibs on you when it comes to relationships, hes ditched you hence a) he doesnt deserve to have dibs, and most importantly b) he obviously doesnt care...if he cared he wouldn't have ditched you in the first place. Why do you leave everything you are doing, and give him your complete and undivided attention the moment he makes contact? even if you are at a Party and supposed to have the time of your life...theres this hunk whos into you...and has been dying to wait for the perfect oppertunity for you to be available...the time is now...and hes much better than the old guy...you are supposed to be having the time of your life with someone who really cares, and is obviously into you..then old guy sends a message...

your thoughts just shift into another dominion..

the memories fly back, you are drowned in all the good times you had...and how great it felt...and how sweet and considerate it is of him to send you something...do you think he wants me back ?

erm excuse me...what about that great guy right there sitting on the table, waiting for you...hes been dreaming of you for quite a while...has the thought ever occurred to you that maybe with him you can start something so good that could actually make you forget old guy and merely chuckle at his mention?

Old guy is long gone, face it he ditched you...he must have had a good reason, if he doesnt...then that in itself is good enough a reason..i mean, he ditched you now for no good a reason, what would stop him from ditching you later on?

New guy is here to stay, he thought of you even when you were occupied, he waited for the right moment to step in, when you were available once more...not only did he respect the disrespectful old guy by not moving in on him but he also respected your decision to stay with the jerk...even though it was a wrond decision and he totally disagreed with it...yet here you are in the corner of the club...holding your phone wondering what to text back to Old guy...whos definetly just bored...and having some fun at your expense..and you know it!!! yet you come up with excuses for a guy who is not even coming up with excuses for himself..look back at the table...there is a guy...who is waiting to give you all you ever wanted, and probably all what the old guy didnt give you..

Bottom line

Dont text back, close the phone get back to your table and start small talk with the guy that maybe might be the face you wake up to for a good ten years...

This Post is Dedicated to three girls i know well..they've all been ditched recently ...they

know my faith in them to overcome their old guys is well placed. ;)

The Bedtime Storyteller

So i was in Stara Zagora - a provincial town in Bulgaria- for two days doing nothing but waiting. sometimes its all you need to clear your head and sit down and have a nice conversation with your overcrowded thoughts, which as you can tell...did happen. I also felt a little poetic ( hey you cant blame me...Stara Zagora is known for its poets) and realized how alot of people forget about alot of things that were integral back in the day but now just...i dont know, Blahze maybe?

How many people do you know were told bedtime stories as children? did it make them better children in comparison to the people you know who werent told bedtime stories? what kind of stories were they told? ones that stimulate their imagination? something to wrap them in a blanket of fantasy just before they let loose with all their crazy and movie worthy dreams? or were they merely repeated legends passed down from generation to generation to create tradition and cultural heritage? or were they simply anecdotes that teach you a few primitive lessons about life...( i mean they have to be primitive...you cant really tell kids bedtime stories about money, drugs and political interests as a child...i guess if you want to you would have to settle for a 90's version of the emperor's new clothes)

Nevertheless, Bedtime Storytelling is becoming close to extinct in our ever speed shifting excuse of a life...my cousin has 2 kids...but never the time nor energy to tell them stories of flying boys in green who refuse to grow up...or little blonde girls in blue and white who take too many pills and end up talking to doorknobs and have tea with fluffy animals and crazy card players...

so instead...he brings them limited edition DVDs of Alice in Wonderland, and Peter Pan for them to play on their LCD screen on a mantle...where probably previous generations either had a family portrait or bookshelf.

I have nothing against my cousin...he is not a bad parent, i have nothing against the choice of upbringing he has for his children...i have everything against the world that compells him to make such a choice.

My parents stopped telling me bedtime stories when i was old enough to read..they didnt want me to be dependent. fair enough, but frankly im sure i missed out on alot...cause i look at my sister...who had me to tell her all the bedtime stories she wanted to hear, and i look at myself. Her imagination is even wilder than mine..(some might think that is impossible but trust me shes got the better half of that) okay, okay, ill give myself the credit for a change and admit that i'd come up with most of the stories on the spot right there. She'd always predict a great storytelling future for me, be it in the form of a writer, actor, journalist, director...or maybe even stand up comedian ( but i tried that back in 2004 and ended up making a fool of myself infront of a crowd of 400+ and some nomads) even a lawyer is a form of storytelling ( very convincing storytelling might i add)

So anyways back to Stara Zagora...i was bored out of my head and decided to take a walk. it is quite a small city...but rather sunny for a European city especially since this is November people...we are talking close to sub zero temperatures...( guess this is just practice for the time ill spend in Siberia). So im walking around town and theres this little pavement cafe to next to what could be called the town centre...i notice this old man, very prissy ...in a nice off-white/ beige suit...hat matching scarf and everything, covering it up with a nice navy blue coat..he was drinking tea i guess, and was totally into the book he was reading..minding his own business, i mean even if a Ferrari zoomed by and crashed into a Hummer...in the middle of this nowhere town which probably is not home to niether car...add to that its not one of those passing through towns either, he wouldnt budge...not even flinch...

thats how much he was into whatever he was reading.

I pass him...and without lifting his eyes out of the book in a typical eastern european accent says:

"Sit down, i will be with you in a minute"

to my exclamation i was finally glad to meet someone who doesnt talk Bulgarian...but who the hell is this person and what does he want with me.

My curiousity getting the best of me told me to sit down, which i did.

"do you have good bedtime stories" he asked

"no but give me one and i will tell it quite nicely" i found myself answering back.

"Whatever happened to your imagination Roger?"

"My name isn't Roger...im afraid you have the wrong person sir.."

"if you were the wrong person, i wouldnt have you sitting down on the same table i am seated on and wouldnt be asking about the deterioration of your skill to conjure up fiction for sheer entertainment"

I decide to play along,

"Okay, you have me there...i am Roger, i was only playing"

"well, remember your sister Roger? the one you used to tell stories?...Mischa?"

"yes i do"

"where is she now Roger? where is she?"

"erm...last time i checked she was eaten by a trio of Lithuanian mercenaries, and very properly digested..i recall examining their shit a few days later..to find my sisters teeth in it...just like chunks of corn only white..and shiny"

"oh now that is truly dreadful roger...well ill get to the point..."

"please do..."

"i have a daughter...she's dying, the only thing that would make her better is if you can tell her a bedtime story. come to the castle on the hill tomorrow...tell her a Bedtime Story and be on your way.."

As night falls...i trod up the hill to reach the isolated Castle on the outskirts of town. I wonder to myself why is it that most Castles i have visited, if inhabited are always visited at night? the only conclusion i came to is -Castle or no Castle- most of your visits to anyone are at night...

Nobody listens to Bedtime Stories in the morning, even if before an afternoon nap...everyone is too entrenched and engulfed in the lies they live in the morning only to show their true colors at night? or is it the other way round? well its relative, and i think that is me trying to be a tad bit too philosophical...i should stick to what im good at....

Bedtime Stories.

I reach the Castle's entrance...not your scary looming structure that freaks the hell out of you when a flash of lightning lights up the sky in a sudden and unexpected burst...its just a nice Big and grand stone structure...with a little ivy growing in the cracks..the driveway is paved a dark and opaque marble...there are two cars parked next to one another as if they are on a date...the first which seemed quite out of place was a Yellow 69 mustang...i didnt even know 69 mustangs came in yellow. could be a paintjob...but a good one...for Bulgarian Standards at least. the second was an old ( as in 40s) white Citroen something more of what the old man from the cafe would be driving...so i automatically assumed the Citroen belongs to prissy old man...and the mustang belongs to dying little girl...daughter of prissy old man. i walk into the short entrance and find myself in a cobbled landing...there is a rather robust old woman on the side...with a huge mess of foam and detergent around her...seated in a crouch position in front of a large round wooden tub...you can tell from the smell of the detergent that she is washing she has a colored scarf wrapped around her head..with few strands of hair ecaped the clutches of the sweaty scarf. she sees me and smiles...donning her blackened gums and what few teeth remain attached...

Teeth....

I saw Mischa's...Teeth in their droppings. they ate her...to survive yes...but they ate her...they ate one of their kind...consumed her like we consume cows everyday...eat them, digest them and then make them become an eternal part of us...what we dont like we let out of us...as waste...Just like Mischa's Teeth...

She had beautiful Teeth...
Which made her have a beautiful smile...gone...eaten, devoured.

Prissy old man waved from a window...and jestured me to come up....when we finally reached his Daughter Alexa's room...all i can think of was Mischa...and how she'd listen to my stories.

Alexa was a good listener...she gives you feedback with her facial expressions...intrigue, excitement, anticipation, boredom, all appeared clearly through a series of systematic nods...wide eyed stares and raised eyebrows....and a couple of pouts. She seemed quite jovial for someone awaiting their death. From what i understood it was quite a terminal illness that nothing can be done about. She really is accepting her fate i guess.

Alexa smelt like someone about to die...you know that smell...musty and sick, with all the bacteria and worms and maggots waiting to eat you..once you have no immunity..disgusting creatures...scavengers...

well at least they dont kill for feeding...they feed on what already is dead...

Whats bothering you most ? the fact they killed her cause they were hungry? or the fact that she was eaten?

Don't know..its just an awful thing to do...

Fuck you Issei Sagawa, Fuck you Jeoffery Dahmer,

they're cowards...they can't scavenge...its ego...not gastronomic hunger...

i will kill you

i will fuck you

i will eat you

you will be part of me..forever...

thats their chain of thought..they want to glorify the victim immortalize them as long as they themselves exist, not out of love of the victim...but out of envy...they see something in the victim they might lack, and covet it, they destroy you...and take it for themselves...they are threatened...by yor very existence..they erase you..and in a way become you..no, you become them..a living part of them, that regenerates, grows with them...

Sick

Sick

Sick

I want my Mischa back...i want to tell her Bedtime Stories, stories of men in a land who arent afraid of being eaten, of women who dont fuck for power, who dont perceive life as an eternal battle between genders and a test to prove superiority, in a world where man doesnt kill man or reign supreme over his fellow man to satisfy his ego, preserve his blood or juice up his bank account. a world where i need not look over my shoulder, where i can just love people and never worry about them seeing harm, strife or suffering, a place where Injustice cannot flourish, a place where Apathy can't breathe, a place i can share with my kind

A Secret place

My Secret Place

My Bedtime Stories...

Soundtrack to Driving on the Dark side of the Road

"The world still is the same...you'll never change it...as sure as the stars shine abovvve...

"well you're nobody till some-body lovvves you...so find yourself somebody to lovvvve..."
Dean Martin was gracefully interrupted by the revving of the sheer powerful 420 horsepower engine of the Camaro SS driving on the Road...







"Here i am...on the road again...there i am upon the stage...there i go...im playing the star again here i go...turn the page" - Bob Seger "Turn the Page" -





"Im on the road again..i aint got a woman just the car my special friend...im on the road again
"for i aint going down that old lonesome road....all by myself"

- Canned Heat "On the Road Again"-

"Hey Hey Hey Hey....Hey Stupid...What you Trying to do ?"

- Alice Cooper "Hey Stupid"-

Its certainly good to be home...but what am i going home to ? a warm bed and a nice home cooked meal, a shower, clothes, maybe a good book and some milk ( yes i still drink Milk.. for alcohol doesnt really solve anything but then again, neither does milk). I'm going home to an email account, fresh newspapers...a friendly porter, smiling neighbours who always wonder what do i do with my life, my couch, my Chair, i dont even have pets to give me a warm welcome home.



It's your choice...It's your life...you made it this way...why are you complaining...?
I'm not really..i really am enjoying it this way.. its relaxing, the moment you walk into the door...you are shut off from life...silence...only accompanied by your thoughts...

King of Your Castle...
not a long way to go...i should take a note to download king of my castle when i get home... until then lets see whats on the iPod



"Like the circles that you find...in the windmills of your mind"

-Sting "Windmills of your Mind"-

My mind has alot of windmills right now...I'm thinking way too much for my own good...





"Relax...Take it Eaaaaaaaasy" -Mika-
Phone rings...
"its Me" says Mr. Adham..."we're on..."
I dreaded those two words like you dread walking into that test you know you arent prepared for...like getting out of the car after a fender bender knowing it was your fault and you have to report to the driver infront of you and are at his mercy...like that call you have to make to a loved one telling them someone they care about has died.
Just when i thought i have room to breathe...the walls cave in again...
Kane..chill you are used to it....yes this one is big...but come on...its just business as usual.

"Do you still wanna meet where the killers eat, held accountable for anything you repeat?"

- Ice Cube "The Pecking Order" -

"Then Cowboy change your ways or with us you will ride...
tryin to catch the devils heard...across these endless skies..."

- Willie Nelson Feat. Johnny Cash "Riders in the Sky"-

"I want to live...where no one is watching my way home...."

-Smashing Pumpkins "For God & Country"-

"Staring at the world through my rearview mirror...just looking back at the world...from another level..you know what i mean? staring....
Multiple gunshots on the block, first off niggas is callin the cops, people shot...nobody stops, i wonder when the world stopped caring last night..you get shot while the whole block staring.."

- 2PAC "Staring at the world through my rearview"-

Yes the World is a nasty place, and imposes on you to do things you dont want to do, or never really realized you had it in you to do. But what are you going to do about it, you sure as hell wont cry about it now? how will that help...plus who are you going to cry to ? i thought you were alone...you didnt have all those lovely people as friends who are truly and utterly grateful for your existence in their life, and you dont want to get attached to them because once the heat comes you will have only 30 seconds flat to ditch them and walk away...so just get it over with...dont be a PPDQ and just get it done...Citibank Style...or was that Nike...?
Yes, something else as drastic even more, maybe less is going to pop up afterwards...because that is what happens with you...and i got news for you man...it will never end...thats life for you so put up or shut up ( No Fear T-shirt).
VROOOOOOOOM! ...that engine is just sheer Mazikkkkkka!!!! especially with the riffs of La Grange playing in the background....

Just Drive off..into the night...thats what you are good at...
why cant you be normal....find a girl and settle down..im sure someone out there is good enough for you



"I must have tried a thousand times...sometimes i think shes just in my imagination"

-Rolling Stones "Anybody seen my Baby?"

You dont find her because you dont want to...it scares you if you do...
Admit it...Women scare you...
You Fear women..



"Blood on her skin, Dripping with Sin...Do it again..."

- Rob Zombie " Living Dead Girl"-

"I say, Hell is Love, You say, You must Suffer, She's a , Mother fucker..

-The Ballad of Resurrection Joe & Rosa Whore-

Leave this self freudian analysis to someone qualified you twit...i wont admit to anything...im too tired to think, too tired to analyze...no time to breathe, get on...drive faster...you will be late...oh well...click next on that Damn iPod:

Love is Strong

Rolling Stones

40 Licks (CD2)

Love is strong, and you're so sweet

You make me hard you, make me weak

Love is strong, and you're so sweet

And some day, babe we got to meet

A glimpse of you, was all it took

A stranger's glance, it got me hooked

And I followed you, across the stars

I looked for you in seedy bars

What are you scared of, baby ,

It's more than just a dream

I need some time

We make a beautiful team,
Beautiful team ,

I wait for you, until the dawn,

My mind is ripped, my heart is torn

And love is strong ,and your so sweet

Your love is bitter, it's taken neat.

Why do i get the feeling the Shuffler on my iPod is trying to tell me something?

*sigh*
oh well....
Whatever
*mumbles*

Amnesia

Waking up in a Ditch in the middle of nowhere surely is an experience to knock you back to your senses. here i am, its almost 9 am according to Cairo time ( i always keep my watch set to Cairo time wherever in the world i happen to be) Im still in yesterday's suit...white shirt & no tie...covered in dust...im face down in the ditch...the taste of dirt still in my mouth...involuntarily crunching on a few grains of sand between my molars. Doesn't feel nice..

Theres Blood on my cuffs...is it mine?

An image from last night flashes infront of me...a Tall looming man...white hair and tiny beady eyes that penetrate you in an instant grimacing at me...with smoke in the air...he leans over to me and opens the passanger door im resting my wieght on and just flicks me out of the car like an annoying fruit fly...

Who's blood is this? did i beat someone up? should i skip town cause im surely not an assualt suspect...this could be murder. I frantically try to remember what on earth happened and how did i end up somewhere in the middle of the desert outside of Reno..

Can't seem to remember....

Can't seem to remember where exactly did i sign up for this bullshit either...

Tall looming man smiles at me and says reassuringly " I am a Just man..i will only give you what you deserve...ill only treat you like the monster you are...you are just like me...but i will put you in your place".
A few hours before...i was in a room...a room with a pretty view..there were men in the room...all clean cut and dressed for a nice Business function after hours.. well it was after hours for me...to them daily business was just about to begin...There was money on the table..the neon lights coming in from the panoramic windows to our right danced all over the faces of Benjamin Franklin. Benjamin wore the only smile in the room.

these people were pissed..

The Couch had a man in probably the cleanest galabeyya i have ever seen, covered in a nice black 3abaya with golden lining and a scarf wrapped around his tiny head.

"Raghead" was the first thing that came to mind...im sure alot of people wondered what the hell is someone dressed like that doing in a place like Reno..he didnt care, hes to preoccupied with bigger matters than to wonder about the impression he might be giving to the locals. he dares one of them to speak their mind. they should accept and be tolerant of other cultures as they claim.

"يا كين....جول له أنه مصعب الموضوع من غير داعي لو بوده دم حيبجة دمه هو و رجالته إللي سايل"

I try to translate that in the most diplomatic way possible, for i am the messenger..and messengers were always the cheapest cannon fodder in most wars..

" You are unnecessarily alleviating the situation..if it is blood you want to see, it will only be yours along with the blood of your men"
Tall looming man's eyes widen in amusement

" Who the Fuck are you?... his Translator?"

Im only a lawyer..
Im only twenty four..
I should be going to bars...dating pretty girls...driving a fast car...maybe doing a little cocaine on the side too...

My worries in life should only be Armani Suits, Fashion models and how to date them...and maybe a few serious lawyer work in the mornings...but nothing that follows me home...

nothing that haunts me in my sleep
nothing that makes me want to forget
nothing that would make me go all the way to Reno to settle it
nothing that would make me end up in a Ditch covered in dust and someone elses blood.
Can't seem to remember when exactly did i get involved into all of this
Can't seem to remember when i have become an integral and inseperable part of this universe of filth, greed, blood and tears..

Kane...what do you remember?

I remember being six, spending my summer in Alexandria with my Parents...we had a cabin on the beach. alot of people did, nice people, nice people i would have loved to surround myself with. we'd build sandcastles on the beach, swim in to reach the lighthouse at the end of the bay. go to the pier and spend the entire day fishing in our bathing suits..when we got too bored we would jump into the water and try to catch the fish with our hands...as if we were cartoon bears. on some days when the sea was too rough, we'd settle for a day flying kites on the beach...our parents would know exactly where we were from the location of our kites gliding through the sky. sometimes when we were in a creative mood, we'd gather around all the parents and put on a play for them at someones cabin, theyd act all interested just for us, simply because they were really happy to see us all enthusiastic about something.

I remember being eight, doing my first science experiment in school, they were trying to teach us the water cycle and hence we had to make a solution evaporate and the salt would crystalize in the beaker. i went home aspiring to become a scientist..it was a few weeks before my birthday. i got a chemistry set as a gift that year.

I remember being ten, my dad had me signed up for tae kwon do classes, it was one thing i was persistent in. everytime i felt sore from being beat in class, he'd rent out a bruce lee movie for me from the video club...he'd tell me bruce lee was beaten up as a kid too...look at him now. i remember one day, after class i went strolling with my mother and we bought ice cream although it was the middle of winter...we enjoyed the view and had talk about why would i be taking tae kwon do lessons..
"so that you can protect us from the bad people dear"

"why do bad people want to hurt us?"
"because they are bad..."
"why are they bad?"
"they're just selfish...they want what they dont have, and the easy way to get it is by hurting others in the process" "what do they want?"
"happiness"
"why cant they just eat ice cream and talk to their mothers?"

she just brushed my hair playfully, chuckled and gave me a kiss

I remember when i was twelve, i had my best friends over on a saturday morning, we played some video games and then went to play pool..we thought it was cool. On the way back we found this vendor who sold "bumb" which practically is gunpowder wrapped in little newspaper balls and fastened with some copper wire. we bought 10 pounds worth of it each...and engaged in civil war on my street. the porters would cheer and root for "ibn el 7etta" or Son of the Hood the cars passing by were courteous enough to stop for a moment as not to interrupt our little private war. Everyone was enjoying the mirth we were in...little boys engaged in violence against one another.

I guess Clean Galabeyya man and Tall looming Man wished people would let them have their own little war too..but then some 9-5 uniformed Reno PD man waiting for retirement yet with some delusions of grandeur would be tempted to meddle in their affairs thinking they are small time dope pushers who want to pull it off Montana Style. Why is it that the life we seem to watch in movies and have the comfort of being separated from by the touch of a button seem to have this tendency to jump out of the screen and become as real as the thumb protruding from my left hand? and why so soon...?

Im only a lawyer
Im only twenty four...at this rate...i wont be twenty five

I remember when i was 14, just came out of the shower on a thursday night..drenched my hair in gel...wore my addidas T-shirt...my levis jeans and headed off to the club...i'm meeting a new friend today..his name is Michael...we're going to go girl hunting for girls. we end up forgetting about the whole thing and just walk around chatting about this and that. Michael is probably like the brother i have never had...we talk to this very day...despite the different lives we may lead. I also remember meeting Lana that year too...she was new to school, her mother was worried about her and just picked a random kid in the playground who just happened to be me, she told me to take care of her like she was my young sister, i fulfilled that role to the fullest last week when i married her off to this great guy. I also remember this girl, her name is Nikita, i had the biggest crush on her but was too afraid to tell her, i spent 3 years fearing confession. Thats how ill prepared i was for life back then. i met her by coincidence last week too...shes a successful career woman working in a big company, and accordingly meets the expectations of having an active social life.

I remember Reno PD man pleading for his life. begging for mercy, and how he has three daughters to feed and a sick wife. i remember how all i chose to focus on was how would jenna, laura and vicky take the news...and how are they supposed to take care of their sick mother now that daddy's last resting place was a hole in the desert. i dwelled on the thought of how disgusted i was with myself that i was a part of that...how i let it happen before my eyes and silently chose to be a part of it out of fear..which still is not good enough justification. i wondered how Galabeya man and Tall looming man dealt with that..did they feel the same way too? or did they kill off their souls a long time ago?

I remember when i was 16, Grandpa gave me an old gun of his. "use it with respect" he said, "it is only a sport...not a tool, it doesnt solve problems...it creates them...use it alone...respect its power and the power it can give you...but never use it. enjoy it in solitude...should you be compelled to share it with someone, then this sport is not for you. never teach someone how to use it, it is merely instinct. you cannot teach someone instinct.

A day will come, where you will be tempted to use it...dont give in to temptation, for if you will..then that will be the day you lose your soul"

I sought out someone to help me with the ways of the gun, lets call him Operations. Operations beleive that guns were intially made so that the weak can protect themselves. Time has proven that the creation of Gun is like opening Pandora's Box. i conveyed that to Operations, he replied with two things:-

1- "Teach your Sons the way of the Gun, swimming and the riding of beasts"
2- " you must protect us, take care of us ...you have a duty to protect, you must be prepared i dont ask you to act..i am here to teach you how to react, like i said, guns are for the weak, alot of weak people will be fooled to think they are strong, and will attempt to harm others, react Kane...react and put them in their place"

I didnt put Tall Looming man's goons in their place, I didnt put the mad dictator vanquishing our pride all these years into place, i didn't put Issei Sagawa in his place...nor Dahmer, nor Bundy, nor Ezzat Hanafi, nor Bashandi, nor Charles Taylor, nor Slobodan Milosoviesc, nor the neighbour i hear beating his wife, nor the Citizen killing Cop, nor the men at Novartis, nor the men at Haliburton, nor the Spectres of Switzerland,

but then again...nor did anybody...

I walk closer to a grey stretch in the middle of the desert. it must be a road...its empty. theres a road sign...Reno 12 miles and it points to the left, another sign pointing to the right..."BACK HOME 4,000 MILES"

I stand under the road sign, waiting for any car to pass by. a Silver Lamborghini jets by me headed to Reno..Lola is driving..she must have heard im in Reno..she just passes me by.

What happened last night? what was the money for? who is tall looming man? who is galabeya man? what happened to Reno PD man? where did i sign up for this shit, how does being a lawyer make u end up in all of this?

a lot of questions unanswered..

A Black Suburban passes by...coming from Reno...Jordan Kalfus is driving...Rankin Fitch is riding shotgun with a cigar in his hand i autostop them...

"Kane boy..." Says Fitch..."come with us...we came to pick you up.."

"you headed back home?"

"nah, little britches...we're taking you back to Reno"

"I'm through with Reno"

"well it beats the middle of the fuckin desert dont it...just come back to civilization then sort something out there to go back home"

Kalfus throws in a look..."Last call Kane"

"ill try my luck with the next car"

I wait for a while till the next car passes..it hits me how as much as i want out..how much i have been prepped for all this..we live in a world that prepares you for this. No matter how protective or impermeable the bubble you live in might be. If your parents dont sign you up for Tae Kwon Do lessons then some bully will steal your jellies. If your mother doesn't ask you to protect her, some guy will knock up your sister and run away...leaving your sister to blame and a filthy little monster grow inside of her. if you dont come across someone like Operations..you will meet a reefer man to teach you the ways of the joint, or a Ghandi man to teach you the art of politics, or a Bhudda man to teach you spirituality...either way that won't prevent Dakhleyya man from having some fun inserting impaling objects into your rectum.

Even if you manage to use supergule to seal all the holes in your so called bubble...some bubble popping monster will come along and burst your domain with the utmost ease...living you flickering around like a fish on the deck of a boat...squirming out of your inevitable fate in futility.

A White Mercedes appears on the horizon, coming from back home...i see the driver...i recognize him..its Mr. Adham...he stops and lets me in...and zooms off to Reno.

"We heard what happened...we also heared what you told Kalfus & Fitch...don't be silly Kane..Reno is your place...Reno is your Duty..protect us from the bad people your mother once told you about"

I can tell we are driving quite fast...or maybe the Road to Reno is just easy...we're almost there...

"Mr. Adham...you once taught me how it is all about free will...one cannot escape his destiny nor his duty..so leave me find my path...if Reno is my Destiny...i will be there...but for God's sake i didnt sign up for this shit!!....Im only 24....Im only a Lawyer.."

Mr. Adham Drops me off at a roadhouse... two miles outside of Reno... the sign says "last stop to Reno" the parking lot is full of 18 wheeler trucks. alot of cars zooming by the roadhouse..all going quite fast..full of familiar faces...from back home. Xanatos, Dollface, Chuckles, Beamix, Twine Runner, Pigbart, Scorpio, Curly Sue, Agroboys a plenty...and Gulfies Galore..all heading down to Reno.

The sun boils down on me...i recall the past 8 years of my life..such a detour...such a dissapointment to the little child that was once me. i need a lift back home. Reno shouldnt be for people like me.

A woman...walks out of the roadhouse dressed in a red trucker cap, trucker shirt jeans and red converse hightops...just gawks at me...her name turns out to be Bertha...(not the first Bertha i meet) i inquire as to the reason of her gawk...

"oh...its nothing,"

"have we met?" I ask

"maybe in a past life..is that your blood?"

"no, its not mine..but im sure ill get into alot of trouble for it...so you headed to Reno?"

"yeah...lots of action going on, im only here to watch...dont want a part of it though"

I pause and reflect on what she just said...i remember the day when i once said it...and look at me now...

"don't...its hard to resist..."

"i know...i am rather intrigued...quite curious to explore...i have some time on my hands before i move on...so thats why i am thinking of exploring.."

I felt compelled to help...

"well spend your time eslewhere...i lost myself in there...and im trying to find it again...!"

"wow...self discovery...can i help...please?"

"you say you have the time...can you drive me back home?"

"but i wanna see Reno..."

"maybe i can give you a tour...but i gotta go home first...will you drive me home?"

"well i got the time...and i could use a nice long drive..."

"Wheres your car then?"

She smiled... I haven't seen someone smile...since benjamin franklin on the table..before that...well maybe when i was six...The Parents enjoyed the plays we had on the beach...

Why do i get the feeling i might end up back in Reno?

well whatever happens i hope this amnesia wears off..i dont know where ive been...i know where i came from..and i sure as hell dont have a clue where am i going...

but alot of questions need to be answered.

The Danger of a Beautiful Stranger

Probably one of the most common fantasies of just about everyone i know is meeting a beautiful stranger in the middle of a crowd of seemingly interesting people, where such a Beautiful Stranger just makes them all appear as banal. Something that kind of goes like this:

" I was there...in the middle of the crowd, a crowd of people all of which were at their very best. A crowd so accomplished that i would only dream of being placed with. Am i truly one of them? but of course i am. for this is quite an exclusive gathering and we are but a select few that have been chosen among many, makes me feel special doesn't it ? to my right there's Mr. Billionaire , with the whole wall street look going on for him,he looks like a Stockbroker....to my left there's Miss Executive, in a nice black dress...looks like she's in Advertising. hmm...why am i not that impressed anymore? i wonder what my significant other is doing right now. That thought just enters my head while i attempt to dodge Mr. Fat Sleazeball who has had one drink too many and will be making a fool of himself pretty soon, wonder what does his wife think of all of that...oh well....looks like this night wont be as great as i expected....

Will i meet someone tonight i wonder? well what the hell am i thinking i have a significant other i probably will never find someone like anywhere else? but are we right for each other?

i'll stop obsessing now...ill think it over tomorrow. Okay, Mr. Billionaire is hitting on Blonde who is desperately trying to look like Jessica Simpson...he must be drunk...Miss Executive is being swooped away off her feet by that hunk who probably has a brain the size of a walnut, but people give him the benefit of the doubt due to his lovely jawline and 5 o'clock shadow. Shes had too many mojitos to be in control too.

Everyone's drunk..

i'll humor myself and observe the comedy going on at the dancefloor...

right there between Mr.Producer who is dancing like a frog in a blender and Mr.Politician who is shifting his wieght from buttcheek to buttcheek while balancing a drink in his hand and a menacing look on his face i see a Stranger that attracts my undivided attention....

everyone else disappears for an instant that seems to last forever...

The Stranger is Sober....

the only other sober person among a miniature world of drunks, blinded by their stupor...

with a reprise in my head of the chorus of a song by Chad Kroger and Carlos Santana i actually feel hope...

this might not be a bad night after all..

"Hi..."

"well hello there..."

"tempted to say something cheesy to try to convey how much id love to keep this going...but ill take a risk and go by something boring like i need some fresh air...care to join?"

"uh huh - & a smile"

We then take a long walk, forgetting about the drunken world behind us, with its loud music and designer attire...all the glamor and excitement behind us...for a new kind of excitement awaits..an excitement that might last way longer than one night...that needs no Gucci nor Prada to be glamorous that needs no Vodka to be brave, that needs no Cocaine to say the right things , no business card for me to remember it the morning after and no phone number for me to keep in touch with again. One would expect we talk about what we do when we aren't surrounded by drunks, show our pros and try to hide our cons...but actually..we conversed as if it were for the millionth time...small talk at its most trivial, humorous and definitely at its most enjoyable. The Hours were chitchatted away like wind gently blowing leaves off a tree.

The Parting was spontaneous...as if we are bound to meet again...no assurances, no guarantees but there was this inherent feeling of certainty this wont be the last time.

And i drive off...back into my world that awaits me....saying

Aaay yo ayyy yo ayyy yo ayyy and the voices ring like the Angels sing

Makes your heart grow wings and fly...dont it ?

" The Morning After i talk about the encounter with my friend who is skeptical about the whole thing and taunts me for my foolish behaviour that i shouldnt dwell on it...it just ends right there and there is nothing special about it... that stranger might be committed, might be not good for me...might clip my wings...ill lose my freedom...its just not time...the person i am with is safer...better for me... that stranger might be an assassin, a rapist, a serial killer, a freak, a player, or even worse...married.

I decide to take a second opinion...i seek the advise of the words of wisdom of my mentor..this is what my mentor tells me:

" As unwise as this might sound...such matters need not be decided in committees and closed chambers..no five year plans...and no votings..such matters need strong foundations you may only find in your gut...maybe your heart...we only live once..the lucky of us..maybe twice...that meet was in the utmost certainty an experience on its own... should you see yourself as a lucky person, one of the people who live twice...then search inside yourself for motivation...should you find it..then chase after this Dangerous Stranger...the stranger will not harm you nor give you grief nor time of day..."

What about the Risks O wise one?

"The Risks are well balanced with the rewards...Seek the Stranger...should the searching inside yourself prove fruitful..then you have nothing to fear...if such stranger is as you speak..then no change or expectation will be imposed on you...free will Grasshopper...free will.. that is what strangers advocate..."

What of the Dangers and Sacrifices?

" you are not asked to sacrifice...you will feel what is right later on...and such sacrifice will be of your own initiative...and hence not appear as a sacrifice...but what you want to do...as for the dangers...we are beings who thrive on danger...for danger brings drama...drama sells...look at Oprah...go Young Grasshopper...love...maybe even fall...play in the playgrounds of life... Dance with your Stranger...pull the devil out from inside of you...the stranger is a gift from the heavens...its so easy to tell..its a blessing from above that could save you from hell..."

Aay yo aay yo ayy yo ayy...and we daaaaanced on into the niiiiiiight!!!!

Knerves of Steel

" Do you Expect me to talk?"

"No Mr.Bond i expect you to Die..."

Alright, i will interrupt one of the most classic scenes in Bond History to just let you in on what's going on. James Bond the legendary man with the legendary number is being held captive by an egotistical maniacal Enterpreneur who has an obsession with Gold and Winning....his name is Goldfinger. But i am sure i dont need to tell you how the scene goes, i mean you can just go and watch the movie. but lets forward to the next scene where things get more interesting...and relevant.

FF >>

Play >

Interior of a well furnished Lockheed Jetstar private Jet registered in the name of one Aulric Goldfinger, flying southwest over Newfoundland at an altitude of 85,000 Feet. Bond wakes up with the headache from hell as a result of a tranquilizer only to find a face in his...sneering, and my oh my what a pretty face it is. His exact words were " I must be Dreaming".

For those of you who have never seen Pussy Galore ( which i am sure alot of you havent) she is quite a sight. Blonde, fair but a little Tan, with a figure that would make a New Guinea Sloth jump up and down in enthusiasm and not like many blondes...shes smart...her eyes ooze smart, wicked, dont mess with me, and in the same time the most sincere "arent you thanking your mother she bought you into this world to meet me" look you can ever get.

All those who have messed with Pussy, regreted it..even 007 himself, shes not just another TNB...she is the Founder and chairman of TNBers of the World Unite!!! , i mean when Bond himself tried to mess with her..

she gave him a piece of her mind

" You can turn off the Charm......I'm immune.."

That is how Bond and Pussy met. As for me... I'm thanking my mother she bought me into this world to meet her. This is how it went:

I know this Gypsy...she tells me my future. i go to her orange caravan every chance i get to know about my future being the curious person i am. The Gypsy, who takes a keen liking to the occult likes learning to fly. would make sense for her to have a pilot for a friend, this is where Pussy Galore comes in. I guess i can say The Gypsy never saw this one coming. frankly neither did i, alot of men find Pussy too intimidating, she is the type of lady the most Ganjo like of men fear..she's their nightmare. Part of her Job Description for the likes of Goldfinger -save what was asked of her in Operation Grandslam- is persuading people to talk, which is a decent word for torture. she Impales men, my initial peception of her was no different.

Theres this weakness men have, its called control. Men love being in control, Pussy doesnt give men that comfort. She is the kind of Lady any woman who suffered at the hands of a man aspires to be like her, if she fails then shed rather have that man report to Pussy...revenge sure is sweet.

You are probably asking right now why would a smart, beautiful, and powerful woman like Pussy would be like that, im sure you would say shes weak on the inside and is just trying to compensate with a rough outer shell. You'd be foolish to think so. It's just that we arent good enough for her. But if Bond is not good enough, then who on earth would? the answer is simpler than that. Sometimes the best solution for the most complex situations is the simplest one. Just be Ordinary...not hot Cars...Bond had that...Not Money...Goldfinger swam in it...Not Attitude...A Cocky Hotshot compensating most certainly tried and had a Zanooba land on his head and a wooden stake up his rectum...you know what it takes ? read on.

The Gypsy invited me over to spend a day with her and her nice bunch of interesting friends..didnt give Pussy that much attention although i knew nothing about her, and i suck at reading people so i cant tell if that sneer is because that is the way she is or because shes got something stuck in her teeth that she is trying to pull out. After lunch she asked us to cater to a little special taste that is probably only appreciated in her country of origin. I refused...She put me on her black list.

Having what used to be part of a tree shivved up my once but not anymore Fat Ass is not exactly something i would want to happen to me. Not only that i would do all what is humanely possible to avoid that. So i try to think of something that would have her cross my name off of that dreaded list. Kane, think of something and fast. I headed off to the nearest Baskin Robbins and fetched two scoops of cookie flavoured ice-cream.

That was all i needed to get my name scratched off...see life can be simple.

Not only did that make my ass thank me for looking out for its welfare, but i also learnt alot about Pussy. She is just like any other lady...sick and tired of the games we men play, the attitude we all give...you see Girls are smart..they know when we men are acting out, Pussy is no different, she just decided to do something about it. She'll take no Bullshit (TNB) and will feed it to anyone who tries to give it and takes care of her kind. Pussy may be different from alot of other TNBs...she takes the time to understand the people she is dealing with, no matter how complex, and pulls it off effortlessly...she is a scary judge of character, and definetly once she realizes you are a person worth knowing..shes just herself. actually ill take that back, shes herself all the time, the problem is that her being herdelf scares alot of people, people fear seeing someone so content with what they have become, it reminds them of their insecurities and how they cant have what Pussy does. its envy...nothing more, envy and selective blindness. Deep down inside Pussy there is this little girl just like any other little girl who enjoys life, looks out for her friends, is in love with fun, wants to make the best of her life, and uses her assets and God given gifts wisely. She is smart enough to invest in what is worth the time and effort such as Body, Mind, Soul, Family, Future, Friends, and acquaintances. Shes got a great smile, great spirit and an unquenchable zest for life, not to mention gives you the great advice you need during times of need.

Shes also got Guts...i mean shes a pilot, she flies planes, jumps from planes with no parachutes, tots guns, tosses men with guns, tosses men who give her attitude, wrestles gators, she also once tackled Dan Marino in his prime..i mean physically tackled him at a Sunday Barbeque although he might be 5 times her size...drove into a factory on fire , swam the english channel , was stranded in the amazon and found her way out, gave a speech about mid air ballistics to professors and physicists although shes just a high school dropout and joined her Crop Dusting Dad in Arizona, yet in the same time, she can tell the difference between Tiffany Diamonds sold at their 5th avenue store from the ones sold in their South Coast Plaza Mall Store in Costa Mesa , She speaks seven languages, takes the time to do manicures and pedicures, is invited to all the Haute Couture events, is out and happening wherever its happening, is in every issue of Paris Flash, was Friends with Princess Diana, is Friends with Ahmed Fouad Negm, had Dinner with the Dalai Lama, and did Coffee with Kofi Anan...Busted James Bond (obviously) Kaught Krooks with Kane, Danced with Darren Hanson and Argued with Augustine..

that needs Guts...

Nerves

Knerves of Steel

Welcome To the Woods where the Things have No Name

" Watermelons....can sometimes look very fresh but at some other times would give off the vibe that if you put your nose to them they would smell like cheese."

That thought induced by the sight of the watermelon slices on the buffet to our far left was interrupted by Mr. Adham uttering a word that makes my spine tingle. "Blood bath". I almost dropped the drink i held in my hand when i processed what he was talking about.

Here i am Egyptian, 24 years of age sitting in a ranch in Bordeaux sitting down with a group of people discussing the fate of The middle east. It was a very casual conversation just like any conversation you eavesdrop on that turns political in your local 2ahwa, but when it gets a tad bit too serious someone always comments something along the lines of i dont want to get picked up by state security , and the subject is changed.

This conversation was however a little bit different. I mean the content was the same, you had the analysis of the current situation, expressions of discontent with the status quo, and then the radical solutions to attain the conversing groups interests. Then came the doable ideas. The comparison to 2ahawa talk is quite in order.

The only difference is, the people talking...can actually do it.

Welcome to the Woods where the things have no name.

To my utter shock what i thought takes months of studies and expert committees and so forth to come up with a well studied policy just happens very casually. theres a very big difference between "statistics show that the trend of religous extremism in the middle east can cause detrimental harm to the interests of fortune 500 companies investing in the region" and what was actually said by someone who already had one drink too many "They're a bunch of Raghead fundies...burn them to the ground before they cost us money". What shocks me more, is that months later , when i am back home, i read the newspapers and reialize what was ranted in that sit-down is being put into action on the highest official levels?

Does Bordeaux Wine make you tell the future?

---------------

When in Miami i bunk over at an old friend's place. He left Hungary after causing alot of trouble to bigwigs over there. in Miami he is protected by the power of the Dollar, to the Hungarians he is pretty untouchable. he's pretty small time, but locally hes not to be messed with. hes a King in a town where little Kings have a shelf life of 4 years...hes been there for 15.

Welcome to the Woods where the Things have No Name

The Police and FBI and DEA and any other set of US initials that have a field office in Miami find him very useful, his opinion happens to be important to what the local gangs should and should not do. These Government Agencies are bound by the US Constitution to uphold Democracy and most importantly freedom of speech. They guarantee his protection as a US Citizen to express his opinion and make it heard by the Gang leaders...it's his right, and theyre upholding it for him.

God Bless Freedom of Speech and Free Enterprise and the Right to Bear Arms.

----------------

A Client of mine created a company out of nothing. This company has 40 branches spanning the globe. He's been on the cover of Time magazine once, Forbes 4 times and hundreds of other periodicals. he can buy my entire neighbourhood and turn it into a parking lot for his servants cars if he wants to but he wont cause he really knows the value of Money. Sadly to say, his Two sons don't...not only do they treat their father like an ATM machine, but they watched too many movies and want to be Gangsta... so they invest in some scheme or network as some people call it, that provides quality Carnal entertainment to the rich at affordable prices from Imported all the way from Eastern Europe to the consumption of Emirs and Expat Executives in the Gulf.




Welcome To the Woods where the Things have No Name



My Client is old, and tired. He doesnt know he spawn two bastards from his loins, to him they are simply his pride and joy, justification for all the sweat he prespired and the red gold he bled throughout the years. He beleives he can trust his blood. thats what he learnt...i guess he learnt wrong.
I wasn t there when he took the decision to serve them his head on a plate. But i was there when he asked us to clean up his mess. It was quite a mess. All the energy he gave throghout the years ended up in a puppet, a facade for the most decadent and dastardly of things a man could do to a woman.

Trust should never Rust...But even what is strong as Iron does, if not fused into an Alloy correctly.

---------------

An old friend of mine, She's real sweet -or so i thought- Does Special Field work for the UN, i was asked by her to tag along once as an attempt to show me what her life is like. Her Job requires her to go to the most remote of places. Where Humans fear to tread, she feels right at home. After embarking on the wierdest of transport accomodations we ended up in the middle of the desert waiting for a banged up 4X4 to pick us up by some Nomad she's never seen before. He was 7 hours late...



Welcome to the Woods where the Things have No Name


While i was busy thinking how long would i last in the middle of the Desert and wether would i end up as lunch for vultures or as target practice for a bored Touareg she was dancing all over some deserted highway listening to Nelly Furtado on her i-pod. She Stops...

"Kane..why don't you have a Girlfriend?"
" Dana, is this the best time to talk about my relationship status"
" It's the only free time i've got "


I tried to forget about the fact that she is really UN but not exactly working for the "maintenance of International Peace and Security", that that backpack doesnt really have special equipment but End User Certificates for 20 Czech made Apaches and a dozen Sam sites ready and waiting to be decomissioned at Archangel Militray Facility in the Ukraine. I tried to forget that she is lying through her teeth and that if i show i know she'd probably kill me and i went on with the Conversation.

Why do we base the intentions of people on the colour of their flags? Red white and blue isnt that different from baby blue.

---------------

My Partner might be the only person i can trust...he used to work in Las Vegas Gaming Commission trying to catch Mafia Investors skimming from Casino Safes. the fact he survived that long entails he was smart enough to dodge a few bullets himself. This town was made for people to steal in, and he was the man supposed to fix all that up...not exactly the most loved of guys. He left because it was too much for him, he wanted a decent living free from the uncertainty of losing digits, waking up in a sack of potatos and poisoined martini drinks. All sounds good untill one day my Partner is out on business, a Mr. Montana shows up at my office one day and asks me about my partner,


i tell him to go fly a kite...


He shows me a picture of my Girlfriend....


Welcome to the Woods where the Things have No Name

My Partner is like the Brother i never had, it was a hard decision.


I walk into his office and ask him.."do you have two shovels?"












Blood and Sand have a very good ability of sticking to one another....







In the same time, im supposed to go out for coffee with friends, remember birthdays, get stuck in Traffic, stand in line to buy movie tickets, deal with a mechanic trying to rip me off, stop for a deputy who wants to give me a ticket for not wearing my seat belt, take shit from a bouncer on a club door, answer calls from telemarketers who want to sell me something i dont want, put up with people pissed that i dont call them as often as they'd want me to. put up with fakers who think they are all that cause the work at some bank, comfort my friend for breaking up, attending hundreds of weddings cause that happens to be the only thing people are doing right now, attend wakes and funerals of people i've never met and bear endless conversations about cellphones, gadets, cars, video clips, movies, girls, boys, men, food and TV shows...

And still have time for myself,


i only have one question....


Why me ?

The Number 74: Running with the Gazelles

It's Funny how we react to truama or Drama as i like to call it differently. You are always told to be strong and it will pass , whatever doesnt kill you will only make you stronger, that stuff. we dont have men that cry yada yada. I remember when my Grandfather passed away when i was 11. That was probably the last time i cried when i heard about the death of someone. 74 significant deaths later ( yes i keep count i know im sick) i still havent shed a tear. does that make me strong?

Well i'd beg to differ. i lost someone significant a few months ago. I was in disbelief at first, not only did it catch me off guard but it caught the rest of the world off guard too. It was pretty Tragic but hey, people die everyday dont they? does that mean we have to have a daily hour or moment of silence, mourning and tears? well its not really practical and i beleive in equality. If you dont mourn every brother in kind you have lost then you shouldnt treat anyone better. thats why i dont personally grieve...that is what makes me not cry on the death of 74 people , that had an impact on my life, that probably if lived longer would have affected the outcome of who i am, who if lived less would have made me less of the person i am now. 74 people whom i will add my name to one day, who will become 75 tomorrow if not today, and 6 Billion only God knows when.

So like i was saying, i lost someone significant a few months ago. refused to grieve about it and kept it all in, maybe its Guilt, maybe its my socialization getting the best of me - for like i said ma3andenash regala bet3ayat- regardless of the reason, the end result is, it was all trapped in. I thought that was a good thing...

Come Saturday...

I See a flock of Gazelles...running gracefully on my way from one place to another. I remember Lana Jass who has Faithfully Departed our world a few months ago. She always beleived that her place in the world, the only place she feels she was created to be in, is to run with the Gazelles. I looked at them and wondered...is Lana Jass running with them now?

I couldnt think of anything else all day. I remembered almost every memory i made with Lana Jass, the good and the bad, thought of all the things i wanted to say to Lana, all the things i wanted to do for Lana, but never had the chance.

The only thing that could comfort me was the thought that it was meant to be this way, and all you wanted to say and do are probably better left unsaid and undone. There must be a Good reason why an Angel like Lana has to so tragically depart this cruel evil world.until i find out why, i guess ill be angry.

I finally cried....why did i cry? i mean what was i feeling? i just related...related to the thoughts going through her awarness when she just realized she is no longer alive, she must have been dissapointed, utterly dissappointed , just when things were starting to get better, i mean 3 weeks before she got this new job she couldnt dream of, she finally found something she felt herself in...to me it was just a job...to her it was her Running with the Gazelles, finally sorted out her issues, finally in peace with herself and with life. then she crashes and burns...and its all over. no chance to say a last word to a special someone, no goodbye notes , lots of unfinished business.

Very trivial isn t it , but what do you expect its not like i died before and know what its like...

Sigh, one day i will find out.

Rest In Peace Lana Jass,

What Happened that night

People deal with bad moods in different ways.

Some people isolate themselves, others surround themselves with happy people. Some people sleep it away, Some people eat, some people sing, some people find a nice shoulder to cry on, some people pray to God asking for patience, some poeople work on improving themselves, some people work out, some people dance it away, smoke it away, drink it away. Some people go on pointless flings, Some wierd people go buy 2 guns and kill 32 people and themselves on campus...it says alot about you how you deal with your bad mood...

what do you do to drive a bad mood away?

I Rob Banks......

I was in a bad mood last night, And it went perfectly.... The sense of accomplishment of doing that, and the rush you get from doing such a thing just manages to make everything go away. It was lovely! absolutely lovely! everything was just right about it.. It was quite a big bank, security was tight and ive wanted to lay my hands on the loot ever since i laid eyes on it almost 4 years ago. Well ill admit the thought of Heisting the place didnt strike me when i first saw it, but the thought grew on me when i saw it for what it was. I didn't do it out of courtesy for the other crews in town who called dibs on the bank. You just cant go do a bank some other crew is prepping without pissing people off. In this business its all about courtesy. However, last night i decided to disregard protocol and all what Big Sal taught me of the business. It was worth it...damn well worth it, regardless of the concequences.
Its one of those banks that holds a good pot of loot but the real prize doesnt lie in the cash safely stored in the vault, rather than the safety deposit boxes ( you see its not all about Money you know). Alot of the banks customers ( i mean the ones who have safety deposit boxes) are mostly Dealers; Art, Arms, Drugs, Slave along with your usual bunch of terrorists, political crooks and world class made Wiseguys (thats Jerseyspeak for Mobsters or Mafia Bosses). so the safety deposit boxes can be full of potentially interesting things. For the sake of Brevity im going to talk in Heist Terms...if it gets confusing you will find an explanation at the bottom of the blog..if u uderstand a word of what i am saying then you really shouldnt be wasting your time reading this and go plot on how to cash out Fort Knox by pulling a Kansas City Shuffle* It was so sponteanous and i have to admit downright lucky too. a Slinky Spring* was my best option, no Ropers , no inside man, no shills just me, my wit and my luck...speaking of which i had all my lucky charms with me, my stinky sneakers, lucky boxers, and lucky lighter...good music in my ears and just about enough food in my stomach that would keep me healthy and not to veggish. I pulled a straight Freegard* for those fo you who dont know what that is....................

SCRAAAATCH!!!!!!!!

Why would i be silly enough to post all my trade secrets here online? what u think im silly? in it for the glory ? heck no...i dont wanna go to jail....so anyways lets fast forward to after the Robbery, where i have the loot stashed in my car, driving down the highway not a worry in the world and wondering what could go wrong?? im the happiest man alive, i dare someone or something to spoil it.

Fast Forward a week later, i walk into the safehouse, where i stashed the loot, and i find nothing. No stacks of 100 dollar bills no gold bars no bullion no diamonds no bearer bonds no stock certificates no celluloid negatives nothing...

all gone and a note saying "better luck next time" from whoever was smart enough to take the loot from me. actually not all was lost, i found one thing left behind...access codes to a former soviet nuclear warhead, now i cant say ive had one of theose befroe let alone what to do with it.

learn Kane, learn .....for the day you stop learining will be the day you become a waste of oxygen.

another thing to learn is, just that you dont get caught doing something doesnt necessarily mean you will get away with it, or have it for long.

Kane, stick to selling used cars...u aint no good in the underworld

why can t i be like the normal people who eat or sleep when they are depressed?