Saturday, January 10, 2009

In a Honky Tonk, Down in Mexico




Dedicated To Colin;

"Mexico Boss? That's quite a long way from the courthouse isn't it?" Sid inquired...
" You bet your Dumb Ass it is Sid....now get your shit sorted out, I'm having you on a Bus tonight..."
To Sid, who's realm of both existence and awareness ended at the Courthouse at the edge of town, you could see the excitement oozing out of his pores.

A few hours later, Sid was at the Bus Station with a black gym bag that said "Rhee Bok" on both its sides in Blue. In the bag were wads of fresh 100 Dollar Bills....

A sudden shiver ran down his spine, when he remembered his Boss's instructions..
" You go find the lady, and you give her the money in the bag, all 1 Million Dollars of it , Its simple, now don't fuck it up..."
Sid's Boss was a barrel of a man. he was round, truly round, irrespective of whichever angle you are looking at him from. He'd Wheeze with the slightest of movement, yet was always impeccably dressed, with an eccentric sense of style that would dub him overdressed or flashy for nearly every occasion. He was a good man at heart, just hid behind a rude and ruthles
s behavior.. he was a lowlife attorney spending his career on small odd jobs awaiting his big break. Barely worth mentioning on the Industry's level, one of those lawyers who start off as nobody's and retire as nobody's save their directly surrounding environment, who'd semi deify him, put him on a pedestal and liken him to legend.
He always cursed in every sentence, it was part of the external demeanor, he tried acting tough, but he had a big heart. Take Sid for example, he is quite incompetent, however The Boss, being the bottom line whats in it for me type, could never find it in him to fire the simpleton. As incompetent as Sid was, The Boss knew he's stupid enough to do something foolish... Simpeltons are loyal, merely because they are too stupid to be ambitious, That's why out of all the grunts The Boss had, Sid was his first and only choice.

As the Bus cruised the road close to El Paso...Sid was sitting on chair 32 B, nestling the Rhee Bok gym bag on his lap, with his eyes, along with the drivers, the onl
y eyes wide awake. You can tell he was excited, he actually for the first time in a while, felt like he was doing something useful for a change. He was humming Paul Anka's cover of Smells like teen spirit,
He felt good
He felt useful...
Tonight he would sleep a satisfied man, not in his bed, but in chair 32 B on
the 7682 Bus.
I've never slept on the 7682 Bus before, so i wouldnt know how comfortable it is to sleep on, but you can tell from Sid's groggy face the following morning that the fantastic dreams of grandeur he had on the trip wouldnt make the sleep any more pleasurable.
The man genuinely seemed to be in pain. Mostly at the neck cause he rubbed it whenever he remembered.
After a few hundred meters on foot away from the station his black Hush Puppies were already a light beige from the clay like dust on the ground streched for as far as the eye could see. As he walked further and further up the road, he noticed the surroundings are becoming more and more desolate. He wondered why would someone 1 Million dollars rich would live in such a place, The woman can definetly afford to live somewhere more accessible.

His mind started asking many questions. What is this money? did a rich relative of her die and this is her inheritence? did she invest in a rewarding scheme? if so, he wouldn't mind a million dollars for himself as well.
"What would I do with a million dollars?" he thought.
Then, out of nowhere, popped the most wicked thought Sid's mind ever concieved, accompanied with the most hideous grin his mouth could conjure.
" Why dont I skip with the money?"
The excitement following that thought overwhelmed him. He was almost going to explode in joy, not from the result of the thought more than the fact that his simple mind can come up with such an ingenius idea.
The shortly created thought would have to go dormant now, for his simple surroundings of dust, sun and dry weather were intruded by a Golaith of a Black 18-wheeler. He finally could embody salvation.
He waved frantically at the truck, hoping for it to stop.

It did...
creaked violently to a halt, as if its momentum awakened abruptly and in protest, from a comfortable slumber.
The Passenger door opened, revealing a tall and built man, with black wa
vy hair in the drivers seat.
It was quite odd for a truck driver to be dressed in a black suit and tie, and wearing black Ray Ban Wayfarers, he looked like one of the Blues Brothers but without the hat, and he had blood stains on his right cuff and spatter of it on his collar.
"It's not mine" he said, "get in"
after he got in, he thought it would be nice to engage in small talk, to break the ice.
" when you said its not mine sir...were you referring to the truck or the blood...?" " Oh...Both actually.." he said in a friendly yet very raspy drawly voice. "But dont worry, neither owner are gonna be looking for us...the name's Bud..." pleased to meet you sir..I'm Sid..."
"Kid, I got a name, i just told you what it is, dont call me Sir..."
"Okay Sir...sorry I meant Bud..."
Bud smiled..quite an attractive smile for someone with his demeanor.. " so kid, where you headed with that Rhee Bok bag?"


A couple of towns down, with sunset just a couple of hours away, Bud realized they could both use a drink. They parked in a makeshift parking lot on the side which had a roadhouse overlooking it.. an old banged up pickup and a dusty American muscle car were parked outside. With an abundance of space, Bud just parked right in the middle, and they both went in to the Mexican watering hole.

To Sid's surprise, the place inside reminded him of home, only dirtier and with more eccentric people. The juke box in the corner was playing "Stuck in the Middle with You" by Steelers Wheel and Bud did the impromptu dance Mr. Blonde did when it was playing in Tarantino's Reservoir Dogs..it was only then that Sid realized that Bud really resembled Michael Madsen in that movie...heck Bud is probably Michael Madsen's twin brother.

They both approached the Bar, Bud motioned to the bar tender for a drink. Sid, then innocently said I'll have a beer...
The bartender chuckled, so did Bud...turns out they only serve Tequila in this place, and all other places like it. Tequila straight outta a dirty unlabelled bottle. only God and the maker of the bottle would know whats in it.
After downing a straight up shot, Sid felt wobbly at the toes and ears. Bud, went for another, and did another Mr. Blonde Swirl...
As Steelers Wheel gave the microphone to James Brown for the Payback, all three mens' attention was diverted to the pool table across the room when a woman giggling could be heard. Oh and what a sight.

Two Women, both tall, one Blonde, one Brunette..both identically dressed in tight black pants, black heels and black tops with sleeves. The Brunette was the one laughing..she sounded alot nicer than she looked. As for the Blonde, well that was compeletly another story.


She was a tall fair skinned woman with dirty blonde hair , and a green left eye with a subtle yet effective beauty spot a few decimeters below. The right one was covered in a black velvet eye patch, with clear white stiches at the seams, probably a designer thing. She had nothing else that was familiar about her face to be described, other than probably she'd remind you of Yasmine Bleeth. She held two black eightballs in her right hand..her left hand cupped her mouth and she called:

"Hey Joe..Can i take these two balls and hang them from my windshield mirror?"
Joe, who was wearing a Red Bandana replied after brief thought saying..." Chica, anything in this place is for you... but you know the gringos might wanna play pool.."

She then, quite innocently turned her face to the man in the suit and the emo looking simpleton by his side.
"would you guys mind?"

Bud approached her, paused, and between the intervals of the beats in the background song...and right before the Godfather of Soul unleashed one of his Historical wails, he said...
"Matter of fact...i would... So what's your name Hot Stuff...and what happened to your eye?"

The Girl was infuriated, She knows its quite a curiousity to everyone who sees it, but at least they are decent enough to act like it's not there...sometimes, she gets confused whether they are staring at the eyepatch and imagining what ugly sight could possibly lie beneath it, or are they merely staring at her drop dead gorgeous features and figure.

" None, of your Goddamn Business Asshole..."
" yeah, but at least this asshole still has both eyes..."
in less than an instant, her knee was heading for his groin, afterwhich she intended to crash her heel into the top of his foot...
She missed, as he dodged backwards butt first..his right hand grabbing her left a
rm, and in less than an instant, twisting her arm to reel her into his torso...
He held her close to his chest, whispered into her ear..."You gonna bark all day lil doggie...or you gonna bite?"

He didnt have enough time to gleam in victory, to celebrate this very cinematic moment of his life, for in less than a minute, a tall dark man in black with a guitar case walked in, followed by a short saucy young latina woman with a face that meant business which was contrasted with her black polka dotted white dress..she was a few steps behind the man with the guitar case...he inevitably stopped before she did, the moment she did...she asked the man in the guitar case whats wrong..
he said..."everything..."
With that uttered, they hailed the entire place with gunfire...
Sid hid for a corner and left the bag by the bar...
Joe the bartender ducked behind the counter and came out with a shotgun in hi
s hand..started firing at the Mariachi and his Bella Donna, the ugly brunette in black somersaulted on the ground towards the pool table for cover, firing from two silver pistols that popped outta nowhere...
The only thought running in poor Sids head was why was everyone carrying guns...is this common here in Mexico? if so, then why didnt his boss tell him?
He suddenly remembered a parody movie he used to watch as a child, it was called Viva Zalata, where Fouad el Mohandes played an outlaw cowboy in Texico called Zalata...
Wahiba dih...Teb2a your mother!
nope, that was from another Fouad el Mohandes movie...Akhtar Ragol fel 3alam...
At that moment, he really did wish he was...

Actually last man or woman standing in this Gunfight, would respectably earn the title.
When the Gunshots and Cordite settled, Sid came out of his hiding place to review the casualties, both to property and human life..
The Ugly Brunette was slumped on the pool table...lifeless..riddled with bullets from an automatic rifle.
Joe now his bald patch naked after his red bandana fell off , was bleeding profusely at the shoulder, and gasping for Cordite free air...and in the middle of gasps he was cursing in the local dialect, something that involved alot of hookers and mothers..
Bud was donning his friendly smile, playing it cool..pulled his Wayfarers from his breast pocket and slid them on his nose. The one eyed blonde, lets simply call her Elle, was running for the door to take a look at the bandits who offed her pool playing fashion twin.
" hey Blues Brother, they took your friend's Rhee Bok Bag"
Sid upon hearing that just cried like a baby...

They sat down, and talked, each had his own explaining to do



Bud
Bud: the guy is a legend, they call him El Mariachi..sometimes they merely refer to him as El...he takes hits off any Cartel, I made a coupla Medellins ( members of the Medellin Cartel) unhappy by offing one of their rookies...guess this hit was in retribution..That Truck out there is his..
Elle: why'd you off em
Bud: nobody disses the King...
Elle: your boss?

Bud: ELVIS...

Elle
Elle: we were here doing work...we were doing a first time job for a big client, Damien King, we are supposed to track down a woman hiding from the FBI, since they don't have jurisdiction over here and they dont want to involve the Mexican Federales the FBI asks people like King to bring these fugitives back across the border...
Bud: Damien King is an Asshole...
Elle: Hey, i thought you said nobody disses the King.

Sid
Sid: I work for a guy, who works for a guy who works for Rankin Fitch, was supposed to deliver that bag to a woman, codenamed Dirty Diana...
Elle: Shit, thats who i was supposed to bring in?
Sid: why? what did she do?
Elle: from what it looks like she is one dangerous woman...She used to be an analyst at the Department of Defense, some techie that spent most of her day looking at screens, screens that displayed very sensitive infromation. She got greedy, guess it had something to do with an abusive husband, so she decided to sell the secrets..
Sid: to the Russians?
Elle: you really are pathetic Sid, The Russians are our friends now...she's selling it to the Arabs..
Bud: But i thought the Arabs were our friends...those Jews are doing a good job with the governments in the area,
Elle: not government, Hizbollah...
Sid: I need to get that bag back, can you guys help me?
Bud: I gotta plan that would make everyone happy... how do we split 1 Mil three ways..?
Elle: heck i want no money...i just wanna get the woman back...
Bud: don't worry, we'll get your woman...
Joe: AHEM! out of all you Gringos, who the Puta! you think needs the money most?


Joe (now donning a purple Sash, and a Black Mustache)
Joe: Why do you Gringos gotta come do your dirty business south of the border? why cant you go mess up a roadhouse in texas, I mean up there you still can shoot your pistoleros..2nd ammendment Merda...we dont have no Second Ammendment here, you know what, you are all pathetic...you all work for someone, whos doing something for someone, you are all a bunch of fuckin assholes, you dont got the guts to be what you wanna be...ME? This is my Cantina...My Rules, nobody tells me what to do, I work for myself, Im the most honorable out of all of you, i sit down on my pianoh stool, play the blues pianoh, this is the closest to Americana i wanna get... get out of here... all of you...take that dead chiquita off my pool table too get out...
he reaches for his shotgun, and cocks a cartridge into the barrel, the sound of which turns the mood from somewhat comedic, to serious...funnily enough, they've all just been out of a gunfight..but his anger wasn't a matter to take lightly...If i learnt anything during my time in mexico, is never mess with an angry Mexican.
get out...
(BANG!)
GET OUT!
(bang!)
I dont want your beezness here... It has no place... yalla...yalla...barra barra....ya Kelab!!!

They walked out gracefully, and headed to Elle's Muscle car...
"okay, Im curious Elle, how would a pretty thing like you get a nasty scar like that.."
"Abusive boyfriend with an Ego problem.."
"Is he still breathing?"
"well, not for long.."
"how you surviving?"
"I drink..."




1 comment:

Colin said...

Osiris Kane, you are a true gent.
... and a hell of a storyteller.
Cheers