5 Reasons why a Banker shouldnt Date a Lawyer

1- Lawyer receives phone call from banker on banker's lunch break:

"Hi Dear....how are you?"
" Im okay, stuck in the middle of traffic trying to reach a judge before he signs off for the day"
"shouldn't you be on a lunch break now? im having mine...and im eating a lovely salad..."
"Lunch break ? whaddya mean?...lol"
"anyways, i was calling to see if you wanna meet up tonight?"
"sure thing ill call you after work, at around 7"
" Honey, i finish at 3"
" ill call you at around 7"

Banker wonders what does Lawyer do all day, or is he just playing hard to get? i mean he is a lawyer.
They meet up at 8 for dinner..Lawyer is famished for not having any time to eat all day..

"Banker, what are you having?"
"Nothing, i had a salad for lunch?"
"So?"
" im full"
" what do you mean full? get this straight...you are a Banker, not a model...models would live on a salad for three days...you are a normal person with a normal job, so eat like normal people and stop acting anorexic..you think i find it appealing you have no appetite? what you dont get is......"

Lawyer is interrupted by his ringing phone, he takes the call and excuses himself from the table for privacy. Lawyer returns less than a minute later, picks up his personal effects
"I'm leaving, Duty calls..."
"What about dinner?"
"ill have a salad, itll make me full"


2- Banker is socializing with her co-workers, Debit, zippy and Dollars...

Dollars ( who is always seeking an opportunity to date banker) asks: Banker, i heard you are dating this lawyer...is he treating you nicely?

Banker:...its not of your concern Dollars,
Dollars: whaddya mean not of my concern, you are my friend, i am worried about you...you know what they say about lawyers..
Banker: well why dont you come to bed with us then and evaluate our sex life..maybe then you wouldnt be worried
Dollars: sheesh, take it easy ya 3azizi....i was only trying to be a friend...but you know what, i can tell from your attitude that you arent really loving the law hehehe....
Zippy: Dollars would you shut up?

Dollars leaves, and looks back with a confident smile, reflecting his satisfaction of getting under Banker's skin,

Zippy: Honey, is everything going well with him? cause if it isnt, you know that you can tell me...these lawyers can be tricky you know, dah gheer inni i heard that he is one sneaky sonnofabitch...

Banker: enough, thats my Boyfriend you are talking about okay? and so what if hes a lawyer? what is he going to con his own partner? why dont you ever look at it the other way round? hes a lawyer, he knows el 7arakat kollaha, hence, hes qualified enough to prevent any harm from coming my way,

Debit: maybe, but alot of them lie, how do you know he loves you for sure and isnt after your dads money?

Banker: have you seen him? do you know anything about him? fine then just simply shut up.
Zippy: Honey, we care about you...and we are worried
Banker: worried based on what? you have nothing...
Debit: He's a lawyer...thats worrisome enough

3- Lawyer is sitting in a police station, talking to a Cop friend, Cop asks him if hes planning on tying the knot soon, since hes done so good for himself in so little time,

Lawyer: no, not anytime soon
Cop: and you arent seeing anyone?
Lawyer: no, actually i am
Cop: a student?
Lawyer: Banker,
Cop: you sneaky mother!!! you, well if you are gonna run away with the money, please gimme a heads up and ill have clean passports for you, but i get a nice gift dont i?

4- "I met the Chairman today" exclaimed the banker.."and i think he likes my work...you are talking to a VIP now..i do work with the Chairman directly"
"Good for you," answered the Lawyer
"Thats all you have to say?"
"should there be something else i am saying?....sorry i dont get this whole i met the Chairman thing,"

"well yeah , i dont blame you cause you work in a cesspool of vice with cops and criminals, you dont know what the business world is like.."

"okay, the bank is big...very big but sorry, i met YOUR Chairman 3 times a week for 6 months of last year, and frankly i wasnt the least bit impressed."

"you did Work for our Chairman?"

"i didnt WORK FOR HIM, he wanted our advice, and wanted us to represent YOUR bank in business work ...the stuff that goes on in that world of yours that you claim i dont understand."

The next day, Banker walks into the bank all smiling and gleaming, she sees Dollars in her face, she chuckles knowing she couldnt be happier, for all she can think of is "My Boyfriend did work for the Chairman!"

5- "where were you last Friday, i called you 10 times..." demanded the banker
"Work"
"On a friday?"
" people still get arrested on Fridays too you know"
"Oh yes and thats why you went shopping for lingerie at Victorias Secret on that day"
It took him a minute to gather the evidence together...
"My Credit Card Records...you Bitch...thats private.."
" so is she better than me?"
" Banker, stop the drama will you?"
Banker hangs up..goes into her room crying, she falls onto her bed, only to realize she crushed something in the process...it was a black bag, with lingerie in it, and a card from him, saying something nice.. she felt like shit. Her mother opens the door, and tells her.. linda her best friend dropped it off this morning.

Where were you that day?: The Story of the Assassin & The Ladies of Liberty

"They'd always tell me we were good for one another, an inseperable duo, perfect teamwork, a symphony orchestrated with harmony when put to action"

"...i always doubted that.My main problem is i only think in terms of I, never in terms of We, so i dont care what We are, i am mostly preoccupied with what I are."


" ٍSo are you saying we should both go our seperate ways Josie?"
"No Kate, im not saying that out of cruelty, nor am i trying to belittle the times and great memories we had, nor the successes we acheived, but i think we are two different people who do what we do differently, im sure you will find someone to do things the way you like them to be done, and so will i ?"


"What do you mean? we have great chemistry!"

"No Kate...take Moscow, remember what happened there? we sucked, we made fools of ourselves, not only that but we almost got ourselves killed"

Kate took all the spoken words to heart, knowing not how to respond. What was being said was not only hurtful, but Kate knew that ending this partnership would be the end of her in this market. She can't pull her wieght without Josie as a Partner...

Their dream was finally over. she could kiss her career as a Liberty Lady goodbye. She sulked her way back to her car. stared at it and sized up the yellow sportscar as if evaluating whether she was chasing the right dreams or not. She could see Josie's reflection on the hood, then she was gone...Josie dissapeared.

Kate looked back only to find Josie dropped on the floor...in a pool of her own blood, emanating from a hole between her eyebrows...
she ran to Josie's Body....looked at her in awe...
"Its him she thought...Its Anubis"
She looked around, her eyes in frantic search to corroborate her conclusions...she finds the dark man staring from the rooftops...white as snow, yet darker than the night. grimacing at her in ridicule.

Three Hours Later:

There i was at a street corner cafe, patiently waiting for a business executive friend of mine i was supposed to meet up and make amends with. We sort of fell out a few years back, it was silly and i guess it was about time we sorted our issues out. i was sipping on some evening Earl Grey tea along with a stale croissant that looked like a deformed crab with severed legs...with the white cheese oozing out of it from the other side everytime i took a bite, i was wondering why did i come here in the first place.
I spotted my friend from across the street, he was enthusiastically waving at me in a way that bought attention. maybe a little too much attention. I guess i was lucky something else was about to happen that would get all the attention the street had to offer. remember this is mid afternoon, it shouldnt get more interesting than a guy in suit fumbling with white cheese oozing out of his croissant only to be warmly greeted by another executive from across the street.

Then...I saw him,
They say only a mere few on earth had the chance to make direct eye contact with him and walk away unscathed. He was on the far end of the street, sitting in the driver seat of a champagne colored sedan. Camera in hand and newspapers on dashboard. He was too far away to be spotted by anyone in the cafe, but the afternoon setting sun just reflected and bounced over the lens of his camera. Guess i was lucky, and guess it wasnt my day to die yet. In less than an instant of processing the image i was seeing, i could hear a sudden clatter of cups and saucers, along with cutlery landing on the floor behind me. My instinct told me to duck,
My curiousity told me to look behind me...
Kate emerges standing up as if she was buried alive under that table, and was struggling to grasp a breath of air that would restore her to life. In her hands, the shiniest M-16 i have ever seen in my life...and she starting firing.

Ill admit i love the sound of gunfire, be it coming from a block away or close enough to singe the hairs on my arms, but with my instincts on overdrive, i realized instantly that i was in the line of fire.

I cant remember how many bullets were fired. but it seemed like an eternity. I was face on the ground, ass elevated into the air in a failed attempt to shelter both my head and elbows under my knees. Im sure in any other situation i would have been the cause of a shower of giggles rather than ricochetting bullets and bouncing casings.
The smell of cordite dominated my nostrils, and the tire screeching did the same to my ears...all with a soundtrack of lead projectiles travelling faster than 330 meters per second, shot at intervals less than a second apart.

The moment i rise, feeling its safe enough to run like a chicken that just got its head wringed off by some mexican, i assess the situation to try to make of what happened.

Nothing, gone...
No Anubis,
No Kate....
I run over to my friend accross the street. only to find him riddled with bullets, choking on his own blood. I frantically yell for help while aimlessly shaking him to prevent the life from leaving him.

A few minutes later, he gasps in my arms...and utters his last testimonials, declaring No God but God, and Mohamed as his Prophet.

One Month later:
I'm sitting on the beach chair...right by the shore, reading Ibrahim Eissa's latest book, you can see a straw hut in the background, almost a hundred meters behind me, a hut ive called home for the past 27 days. Havent seen a single human apart from Manolo since. Manolo comes once a week by boat, with supplies to last me till he comes back again. he should be coming from the neighbouring port within the hour.
I hear the humming of an engine not so far away, it must be Manolo...i look to the horizon to find a little boat tugging at the waves. As Manolo approached in his boat, I noticed he had someone on board with him.Yes it was her...
not Kate...
someone else.
By the time Manolo docked on the shore, She was already at the foot of the beach chair, showering me with questions, while struggling with the sand sticking to her now wet shoes.
"Why did you leave?
Im here for you, we all are...
Why are you doing this to yourself?
Why are you doing this to those who care about you?
Do you think he is happy seeing you like this?
Are you okay?
Do you know how much i love you?
Will you let me take care of you?"
"Darling Im here for you" she reassured me...
I answered back,

"Where were you that day? Why didnt you stop the bullets? why didn't you operate on him to save him? why didn't you take him in your car to the hospital on time? why didnt you tell him not to walk on that side of the street? why did you allow Kate to have an M-16? why didnt you prevent her from shooting? why didnt that man die in another way? why did you let my friend die? what were you doing that day...answer me? you were sitting with your friends in college talking about how much i make you happy werent you?"

"Kane, what you are asking for...no human cant provide, i didnt stop the bullets, because im not superman, i didnt operate because im not a surgeon, i didnt take him in my car because i dont have one, i didnt warn him before hand because i do not see into the future, i didnt help because i am human..no human can do what you ask for..."

"Then i dont want to know any humans..."

"Honey, dont do this, dont spoil a good thing, you know what, we'll get through this, together. don't destroy a good thing...we're great for one another, we're an inseparable duo, a perfect team.."

What would my answer be?......

Four Months earlier we had a similar discussion, i was trying to break it off, because i felt i was burdened by her presence, i was going through a rough time, facing trouble at work that followed me home, and at the same time was expected to worry and live with her the burdens of daily college life, and her aspirations for graduating and becoming a career woman. I also asked her where was she that day?

I will always ask her...where were you that day?...

My Man! : The Tale of A Rat

“I smell a rat..”
“In the Year of the Rat a lot of Boys will Disappear..”

Regrettably enough, this conversation does not really take place in a sewer, although I would be curious enough to know what kind of conversations do really take place down there other than the choice of toppings Michelangelo ( the Ninja Turtle) would prefer on his Pizza.

It takes place in a Graveyard..

And no, the backdrop isn’t under the moonlight for added suspense, it is actually midday, and someone, amidst all his family, friends and business associates, is being buried..

There truly isn’t anything more eventful than the funeral of a head of a family, who refused to name an heir.
Reasons withheld, one can assume not naming a successor maybe due to an inherent fear of being responsible for such an heir after his own passing, others can say mistrust, or merely downright incompetence of those who walked in the old man’s shadows.
My humble opinion is merely:

Mischief

Seriously, what a better way to eternalize your deeds than to create a vacuum that will lead to a struggle for power, with blood, tears, drama and money as fodder for many years to come? Eventually order will replace chaos. It’s a constant, it always has been, and a lot of blood every now and then is always healthy. That’s probably what he was thinking before he croaked.

The Departed is Paternally succeeded by two sons, Big Al “Doughboy” Bonspiero, and

Little Jimmy “Two shoes” Bonspiero.
His Consigliere was Sal “Shush” Spatafore, a very loyal advisor, always in the shadows and meant business.

If succession stayed in the family, it wouldn’t leave either of the three, but the pie is too big to stay in the family. There was the Gaddi crew, headed by Alfie Mancuso and Michael Zitti. Your local selection of business men that although aren’t really organized had enough with being muscled to do business, your small time dope dealers and street corner pimps who although ambitious are stupid enough to think they can fill big shoes like that, and believe it or not, you should be bothered by smalltime, cause smalltime not only has nothing to lose, they don’t know the rules, so they might end up doing something stupid. Of course 90% of the time anyone who does something stupid ends up getting clipped, or even worse.. but it’s the 10% that should bother any wise guy with eyes on the future.

Then, you had the Campus Street boys, four stupid kids that met up daily at Mama Afi’s house , she used to bake brownies for all the kids in the niehgbourhood and tell em stories of the good old days, and feeding their head with garbage about how they can change the world. Mama Afi had two favorites, Alfie “the Nigger” Leotardo and Sammy “Quasi” George.

“Quasi”, pronounced “Kwazeeh” is a real stand up kid, but his only problem is he doesn’t look the part, he practically has no neck, and is a developing an immature hunch on his back, just like Quasimodo, his other problem is he loves attention, he’ll practically offer you his wife in bed if you take em out to the bars and give em a good time. He’s only married to her cause mama said so. Quasi’s dad is into business, he’s actually one of the locals who wants to see this all go away, imagine how he felt when he found out his kid is into this thing of ours.

Leotardo wasn’t a nigger. His complexion was very dark they used to joke that his mother used to fool around in Harlem, his dad got so worried he actually DNA tested poor little Alfie, but turns out he’s his.

Alfie had a cousin , Calvin “See See” Corrado, they called him See See cause he used to be a peeping tom, and it’s a play on his initials which were C.C.
See See was one naughty mamas boy, I mean he was a good lookin fella, and was all about the ladies. although younger than the Nigger, the Nigger used to look up to him bigtime, he had the Nigger wrapped around his finger.

The Fourth of the bunch was “Little” Willy Gaultieri…you can tell why they call him little Willy, ill give u a hint, the name was coined up in the locker room after gym class.
He’s probably the smartest in all of them, but could use a little guts, I mean the fella is a Gaultieri for God’s sakes, what the hell is he afraid of. Gaultieri and See See actually started off having beef, Gaultieri was dating some woman See See was banging, See See couldn’t hear of it, but now although they mended and got rid of the bad blood, See See still scares the shit outta Little Willy.

And if all these Wiseguys weren’t enough for you, you had the Feds watching down on all of this, wanting to get rid of it all.

A smart question to ask is, where do I stand in all of this, well initially I’m supposed to be working with Big Al Bonspiero, am I loyal to him? Yes but he’s actually taken me on loan from Spatafore’s crew, still in the same family but they are of different strokes.

Big Al was always the old man’s favorite, he was smart, silent about it and he believed that everyone should earn as long as the powers that be get to wet their beak, if Al takes over its going to be good for everyone, as long as Al gets a cut, very small but still a cut.

Sal the “Shush” does things a little differently, he’s old fashioned, not only that, but he’s a Calabrese (Calabrian)…those guys have hot blood and are downright vicious. Sal would have a tighter hold on everything, and keep it more incognito, if anyone is loud about it, well..hard luck for them, he don’t appreciate noise very much.

Then…you have Two Shoes Bonspiero… this kid went to private school, Ivy league education, the works hes the golden child, the old man’s favorite, and a few years before the old man went away, was being groomed. Now I wouldn’t want to diss the Don on this, but this guy is gonna bring it all down to the ground and turn our thing legit. I mean hes not even made and already rumored to be talking with the Feds. He’s also tapped the Campus Street Boys, who really think hes hot stuff, well apart from Quasi, who thinks he’s not cut out for our thing.

You wanna anticipate this power struggle right , you gotta put the Gaddi crew into the equation. They got ties to the church, and have become really popular nowadays, they get money from the church and skimming off the Sunday donations, they actually sue people that owe them money, that’s their method of enforcement. They claim that violence is below them, hey nobody loves beating a fellow Pisan’s teeth in, but a mans gotta make a livin don’t he?

Everyone was there at the funeral, all dressed in their suits, some hid behind sunglasses, while others did under hats. What people don’t get, you only get to wear a hat if you are made, made as in you are directly taxed by the Big Boys back home. And there was See See in a black Cuban and a smirk looking all dolled up like a fuckin lady.
Spatafore gave him shit for it:

“he headed to a costume party afterwards?... Lemme guess ees going as a fuckin fairy aint he?”
His Goombas provided chuckles of laughter for a finale. I was glad that others shared my exact sentiment. Then one of them utters..
“Can you imagine the fucking balls on that kid, boss? I mean eee goes over to the North side, earning on them wall street types charging them bucketloads of vig…the greedy motherfucker, I mean im calling my stockbroker, and after he advises me on some short selling stunt , he asks me do I know fuckin See See Corrado,….Know em? I used to date his fuckin mudda back in high school…hehehehe”
Spatafore answers back with his few words:
“let the little kid earn..with time, he’ll learn”
“yeah but he should respect his elders, and learn without having to spend a stint in college” interrupted Big Al.

“ The Beauty of the Pecking Order Al, is that it’s a system, the kid is bothering us, hes causing too much trouble, should we act? If hes that loud he’ll probably step on someones toes powerful enough to do something about it, so why get our hands dirty when someone else can do the job for us? Or he could just get pinched, picked up by the Feds, or even offed by one of his bitter Goomahs.. as long as it aint our toes he aint stepping on, he can go Fatillia Cosi!”

“well it depends on what exactly do you call stepping Sal, remember King?”
“fuckin aaay…”
“yeah the one who helped us out with the Maltese..”
“what about em…?”

“Turns out the little Gaultieri kid, the one who shits his pants whenever u mention his fuckin goomah..sent King a little message, nothing fancy…but still a message, Fuckin K is in the middle of his honeymoon and a couple of little Willy’s boys shake em down cause hes on their turf…King tells em hes a friend of yours Willy’s boys tell em we heard no nothing bout a friend of Doughboy’s coming down here…King just gave dem what he had…”
“What did they take”
“Kings Gold Watch…and keys to a brand new SUV..not only that, but King told me somethin about little Willy too…little Willy is been crying to a fuckin psychiatrist about takin too much pressure wid business, King used to bang the psychiatrist Willy is seein..she wanted to show off to King tellin em shes analyzing a fuckin Don so he fuckin put two and two together…
“King could just be beefin up against the little guy..”
“ It gets worse…the Psychiatrist, you know who she banging now? A fuckin Fed… now I didn’t leave it at that, I mean King is a friend of ours he’s not only a friend of yours.. so I followed the fuck around for Kings sake, turns out the Fed..he’s the same fuck that busted Johnny Sacks from Jersey”

I couldn’t contain myself and crossed the yard to where the Campus Street Boys were paying their respects to Jimmy Two Shoes, they were literally glued to the guy better than his own shadow. They were bragging as to how cool it was to be extorting the stockbrokers, giving the money to Jimmy who then invests it with the Stockbrokers themselves.

See See: you know Jimmy, this last week, little Willy got you a hell of a cool present..
Two Shoes: really?
Little Willy: yeah a Lincoln Navigator..
Two Shoes: is it Hot?
Little Willy: Nah, belonged to some guy who claims to know your brother.. some hotshot called King..
Two Shoes: Damien King?....aww you assholes, what you think you are doing? Do you have any fucking idea who’s car you just stole?
Little Willy: who, he didn’t put that much of a fight
Two Shoes : yes, cause he’ll get it the fuck back , with your heads as hood ornaments on it too!, what the fuck were you guys doing in history class…you never heard of Damien King?...
See See: yeah I heard of him, actually messed with him once, he didn’t do nothing, he was trying to fuck this bitch from Iran I was doing…I told em to go fuck himself…he’s a fucking pussy

Jimmy Slaps See See on the head in the middle of his Father’s funeral..it was a scene.. See See’s hat fell to the ground, he picked it up, swallowed the lump in his throat, and sat under a tree.. turns out that bitch from Iran was doing both See See and the Nigger in the same time. She duped them both outta some quick cash and went onto work some bigger fish..What See See , The Nigger nor King himself didn’t know was that she Worked Jimmy too…

King took care of the problem, King did like he was told…Jimmy called him, asked him to take care of it, and King did it, no questions asked.. that’s why everyone like Sal, Al, the Gaddis , they all love King…even the Feds don’t ask questions when King is involved.. he’s helped them with some stuff too..

I wanted to make sure See See and little Willy get the big picture..

“Boys, you messed up big time…gimme a call if u need help and lemme see what I can do…”


A few days later, I pick up my phone..its Willy..he wants to talk…
I meet him at their spot..its an old café right in front of campus..he tells me how Sal had a talk with them in the presence of Jimmy…they will have to give restitution to King for the Car, and submit to his mercy..Sal has orders from back home to get rid of both See See and little Willy, See See is refusing the solution and throwing it all on Willy..

“ I’m thinking of blaming it all on Jimmy..since he’s got our backs..he’s too big to take a fall”
“That is not a very wise thing to do..theyre all fixing you to fall..even See See..”
“why?”

I gave him the shock of his life…

“Your Goomah and See See still meet up…she has a soft spot for him”
“See See is fixing me to take the fall?”
“look Jimmy is all too big…you think hes going to give a rats ass about how much you guys make him with that stockbroker scam?..hes not gonna fall for a couple of Assholes like you..they’re already painting you as the rat Willy..”

“What the fuck are you talking about…”
“They know about the Shrink…and Johnny Sacks”

Willy if I were you..its a good year for you and the rest of the Boys…to run..
Get lost..be the Lost Boys...Run ,Willy run!..it’s the Year of the Rat Willy.. and in the Year of the Rat…a lot of Boys will Disappear..


The events that unraveled the next few days indicated a lot…the drums of war can be heard..
- Damien King said he wont take restitution, as for the Lost Boys..they can take whatever they made off King and shove it up their asses..at least they die loaded…
- Willy stood his ground, didn’t run..
- The Nigger hid at his in-laws house,
- See See went to the mattresses, said he aint going down without a fight,
- Sal is blaming the whole mess on Jimmy for making the little boys play in the wrong league,
Jimmy is disavowing any ties to the little boys, however is provoked by Sal
- Big Al…is sitting there, waiting for the winning side to join…

As for me, well I went back to the office, with a cup of coffee in my hand, to the same monotonous ringtone on the office phone, and the same secretary I have had in ages uttering the same scentence every time she picks up…

“FBI RICO Task Force, Good Afternoon how may I help you”