Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Now Watch Me Shut this thing Down!

Sahel is always a pretty sight in summer, hot cars, girls in skimpy swim-wear, fancy clubs and Mediterranean beaches...Thats what its all about. The money that pours into that stretch of coast during the months of June, July and until recently August is incredible. Between promotions, advertising, Sponsorship and downright marketing, its a consumerists wet-dream with a new and improved lazy sea breeze for a limited time only.

To other people it surely is about a lot more, or totally different things, but Sahel, just like the rest of the world is a playground, so many players playing so many different games, depending on the game you play you see it the way you see it. But that doesn't mean thats how it is seen by everyone, And that my fellow reader is what makes the world beautiful.

Armando Bond - Pitbull's alter ego was supposed to shut the whole thing down. His employers didnt get to see a dime of the money that is being poured in Sahel, yet in the same time the people who taste this money at the end of the day are surely going to protect their interests with their lives. Quite a formidable opponent to Mr Armando Bond.

Armando never faced the ruthlessness and relentlessness of "The Nomads" who were protecting the Sahel. They act like saints, and play as your friends, with their dark and smiling faces...leer you in until you are close enough, close enough to receive a hit that will impact too close to home...and this is where you fall, never to rise up again.

Armando roared in a Grey Chevy Cobalt dressed in a grey silk suit with a femme fatale riding shotgun, her name was Leon Blackwater, she was his local contact that flew in especially from the Emirates for this job. Leon knew one of the Sahel Barons and was the link that would introduce Armando to the Baron...his name was Donald Maccha......

"So Armando, are we clear on what are we supposed to do?" asked Maccha, while chewing on a Red Macedonian Apple in his hand. He was a very careless man that was extremely high maintenance. He walked around wearing nothing but velvety black briefs and a golden talisman dangling over his chest by the delicate gold necklace that interrupted the flow of his body hair, apple in hand and his mouth full of apple, a few bits dangled on the shag Feng Shuei like carpet that he bought from an auction in Sotheby's.

"Issei Sagawa used to shoot his load on this carpet.....get a bunch of pretty girls to play twister on it for a night and you will end up nine months later with an army of lil cannibal sonsofbitches"

It seems like Maccha was the only one who saw any form of humor in this sick joke. He decided to get to the point. Okay then Mr.Bond...I wish you all the success in this endeavor...

Armando replied : Mr. Maccha, it's a pleasure doing business with you.
With that said, Armando and Blackwater headed across the black marble foyer of the San Stefano Penthouse and took the elevator down to the garage.

" So where are we headed first Armando?" inquired Leon Blackwater

Armando woke up the next day in a hammock nestled under a shady shrub with nothing but his pants and sunglasses on. He realized he was in Diplo, but he forgot how he managed to end up here...he slowly recalled the events of the day before, and then paused when he realized what happened.
On their way on the road they were stopped at a checkpoint notoriously known for its thoroughness. It was midway between Alexandria and Diplo at a town called El Hammam, which mind you, in Arabic means The Bathroom. They got searched randomly and the police found a cache of firearms in the trunk, typical Armando who just loves being downright flashy. His flair always got the best of him many times...and this was one of them. They refrained from searching him and went straight to trying to cuff him , bad move..

Armando pulled what is known in tradecraft as a "sWordfish" which entails simultaneously shooting two assailants on either side of you, inspired by John Travolta in the film with the same name. Shot a third in the station bunker window who was aiming an AK 47 at him, and then shot several shots at the pickup turned police patrol vehicle locally known as "Box" or "Atari" in an exchange of gunfire between the ever so cocky desert eagle in his hand that is known to jam more often than not, and a Mother of a Cannon installed in the back of the was called the Killer Box since the ministry of interior had them installed as standard in all similar units to ward off any violent citizens. Not exactly Human Rights Friendly but alot has changed since Mr. M died in office.

The Chevy Cobalt burst into a ball of flames instantly when the shells from the killerbox made contact. Leon Blackwater shokran ba2a lets not ask... she was in the car.

He looked back at the Killerbox and noticed that it was a woman who was shooting...lets call her Octopussy.
Octopussy jumped off the Killerbox and sped to a Red Lamborghini parked right after the checkpoint.
Armando tried catching up with her in a white Peugeot 405 police car.
No Match...
The Peugeot was parked outside the chalet he was in. he could tell it was diplo from the distinct silence and americanized English yelled by kids on bikes zipping by the chalet every now and then.
With his mission failed and his partner lost, it was going to be very hard talking to Maccha and his associates and telling them how he fucked up. He decided to go after Octopussy, I mean how many Red Lambos can you find in Sahel??
He found one in Marina 6 and knocked on the was Octopussy...she was with a bunch of ad execs all surrounded with brown Macdonalds of them had a paperbag on his head and had the eyes cut out, they called him "Habby Meel". He grabbed Octopussy by the arm and pulled her outta the house.
"Thats no way to treat a lady"
" I treat ladykillers any way I want"
"That was collateral damage"
"حات حصليها عموما"

He handcuffed her to him and jumped into her Red lambo...
Lamborghini's are very hard to drive, theyre very are stooped down too low and you should be very careful with the accelerator.

After drifting left, right and almost moving sideways a couple of times on the coast way the Lambo veneered to stability with its underlayers bolting forward. Bound for Marassi, Armando and Octopussy tugged at one another whenever Armando needed to shift gears. She was quite an amicable woman, polite, discreetly pretty...soft spoken and smiling, you would find it very hard to beleive that last night she was shooting from a killerbox fe lagnet el 7amam...for today, she really looks like just another girl in sahel.

When they arrived at Marassi they headed straight for the clubhouse, Armando had to go kill Le Boeuf...the Nomad Leader. On his way in, Armando felt his heart sink...a familiar feeling he hasnt felt in a while...could it be?
could it be that Giselle Zero is here?
There she was...Giselle Zero, never seen or heard of since what happened between her and King. She was seated at a huge table, surrounded by many friends with a birthday cake infront of her. She was wearing a Tiara and looked like such a Doll. her kind smile showed when she glimpsed Armando.
Armando went towards her direction tugging Octopussy in tow...
"Happy Birthday Giselle..."he said...
"Thank You Armando...Im so happy you could make it,"
"I didnt come for you honestly, Im here to take care of Business"
"Well it seems that business is doing you good, I see it has you quite cuffed..."
"Indeed it has Giselle...Indeed it has..."
"Well I hope you are okay 3omooman"
"Dont worry about me.." he said" "this is always going to be how I live my life...."

And then he uttered his very famous line

"My life's a Moovie....Call me Scorsese"

The next few minutes were a blur to everyone. Strobe Lights shearing your perception at two times a second, Thundering and Booming music lurching its force at everyone from a very impressive collection of speakers and blouse rippers. The music wasnt the only thing that was smashing for so where the tables, The music wasnt the only thing that made people dash, so were the bullets and ricochets...all mixed up in a mosaic of light and dark, loud and mute...It was a disaster...
But Le Boeuf was dead...
thats all that mattered to Armando

With Le Boeuf dead, The Nomads would fight off one another in this horrendous vacuum of power...this would be a good chance for Maccha's men to ward in on the loot and start the Gang Wars of Sahel. And that was how Armando Bond Shut Sahel Down.

Give the Man a Vanilla Flavored Cigar to smoke on the Beach for tomorrow is Sunday.

1 comment:

Sarah said...

Okay, by the way, I'm really really confused and I don't get it at all. :|